Work: Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than...

By zoosmell pooplord - 02/09/2012 19:41 - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 880

You deserved it 1 728

Work

Mama's boy

Stop talking!

Our house, in the middle of our street

Family matters

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 85

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 178

By Sabraynay - 28/09/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 908

You deserved it 3 277

By moutz - 20/07/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 289

You deserved it 15 302

By Carlyclose - 16/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got rejected from Sephora, Walgreens and Ulta for being OVER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. Then, I got rejected from Estée Lauder, LVMH and Proctor and Gamble for being UNDER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 170

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 998

You deserved it 3 450

By bobjope - 28/02/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 2 726

By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 316

You deserved it 5 667

By yolonono - 04/12/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 808

You deserved it 3 001

Friends theme music plays

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 05:01

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 157

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 664

You deserved it 8 924

By lanz4949 - 19/03/2013 04:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 065

You deserved it 3 728

By Anonymous - 24/07/2014 21:23 - United States - Annandale

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 404

You deserved it 17 906

By marray - 23/07/2018 12:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 874

You deserved it 612

By VerbalDiarrhea - 08/01/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 940

You deserved it 12 016

By Sedici - 18/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 249

You deserved it 2 564

By SoMuchForThatIdea - 12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 865

By Baileyy - 01/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 158

You deserved it 41 144

By Anonomous - 08/12/2014 17:58 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 815

You deserved it 3 883

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 435

You deserved it 10 661

Weirded out

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend told me she is breaking up with me for my friend, because she likes people with diaper fetishes. I had no clue either of them liked that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 77

Eat the rich

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 01/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 745

You deserved it 423

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 244

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 222

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 302

By Anonymous - 07/06/2017 20:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 077

You deserved it 253

By angkal2002 - 22/11/2014 03:29 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 176

You deserved it 3 312

By wonder woman - 08/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 995

You deserved it 3 615

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 222

By Bibi - 23/09/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 222

By DomesticPatrol - 07/01/2017 02:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 601

You deserved it 1 746

By scammed - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 836

You deserved it 2 858

Pee is stored in the balls

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 02:01 - Belgium - Lint

Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 15:30

Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 236

By Great - 29/05/2015 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 4 553

By srsly_what - 28/04/2011 23:13 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 538

You deserved it 3 497

I'm in a hurry

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 745

You deserved it 5 512

By ohcrap - 28/09/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's father for the first time. We were at a restaurant and my bofriend kept playing footsie with me under the table. When my boyfriend excused himself to go to the restroom, the game of footsie was still going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 935

You deserved it 4 579

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Top comments

tywinn 1

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:37

At least your English is better!

Futacy 29

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:38

Hmm, that's funny. Most mature people are happy when people know how to speak correctly.

tywinn 1

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:37

At least your English is better!

hopsinlove17 26

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:43

That's something to be proud of! I'm sure you'll get hired easily because of your skills(:

gc327072 30

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:48

Bosses these days... Like a bunch of middle schoolers... "OMG DNT U CURECT ME I'LL FIRE U GRAMER DUSNT MATTER IM UR BOSS HAVE RESPEKT."

NanillaVipples 2

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Monday 3 September 2012 3:09

Send him to the Internet, we'll take care of him... >:]

lajaynay 15

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Monday 3 September 2012 3:39

Better English is definitely something to be proud of. My manager is an idiot also and her texting drives me insane. She uses Ty for thank you, u for you and etc. She also doesn't proofread any of the signs she will post around our store.

Inheritance 10

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Monday 3 September 2012 4:45

Tell him you have no desire to take his job. Also thank him for letting you know you are good enough for his position.

12GaugeTurtle 1

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Monday 3 September 2012 6:06

Use really big words to insult him. It'll get your anger out and he won't know what you said.

LO388 7

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Monday 3 September 2012 16:11

1 - you're*. Sincerely, OP's boss.

Futacy 29

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:38

Hmm, that's funny. Most mature people are happy when people know how to speak correctly.

M_Rainbow 7

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:58

Tell him it's because you read FML everyday.

gc327072 30

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Monday 3 September 2012 3:08

The really cancerous grammar is only in the moderating part. That's where you get those "man door hand hook car door" sorts of things.

larsindrumzxx 0

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:39

LOOL WHAT A FRICKEN BAUSS

MrSnoopyJ 1

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:40

No one deserves an ignorant boss, be lucky if you do get fired.

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Monday 3 September 2012 11:05

Because getting fired in this shitty economy is viewed as "lucky"...

iXTMAstro 6

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:40

Don't be sad. Take pride in it. You will probably get much farther in life than him!

hopsinlove17 26

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:45

I didn't see this before I posted, but I agree completely(:

WearingHats 14

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Monday 3 September 2012 3:31

I doubt that if he is being fired. Plus his boss already has a head start.

TheTwistedOtaku 16

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:40

That's a really dumb reason to get mad, fyl for having such an ignorant manager.

MinecraftGeek 8

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Monday 3 September 2012 6:35

Anime ftw

briancallahan 3

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:47

Start lookin now! Don't work for a dick!

KommanderKush420 5

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:47

With a name like zoosmell pooplord you know your good at english

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 3 September 2012 2:50

Thank you for your words of wisdom, KommanderKush420.

KommanderKush420 5

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Monday 3 September 2012 3:41

You have much to learn young grasshopper

BatemanFML 0

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Monday 3 September 2012 5:09

*you're. Too much kush will fry your grammar skills

PhishloverA 14

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Monday 3 September 2012 7:08

#10 I'm not usually a grammar nazi but since you said that I have to be. First of all why does that name mean he isn't good at English? Secondly 'your' will never mean 'you are'