By mcd - 5/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Rat Race

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1244

You deserved it

59

Tweet

Share

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

Triage

By Akestarr - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56270

You deserved it

3640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4839

You deserved it

640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

108901

You deserved it

11782

Tweet

Share

By frustrated - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58719

You deserved it

3563

Tweet

Share

By Getmeout - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32617

You deserved it

5708

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36800

You deserved it

5379

Tweet

Share

By Az - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29832

You deserved it

2370

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2436

You deserved it

573

Tweet

Share

By ironies a b*tch - United States - Chatham

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67049

You deserved it

21698

Tweet

Share

By Lance from the Serfs is a snacc - 3/5/2021 00:30

Unhealthy relationship

Today, I had to admit that I'm polyamorous. Well, I'm in several relationships. Parasocial relationships. With YouTubers and Twitch streamers. I talk to them through the screen. I can't remember what it's like to have real-life friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

330

You deserved it

924

Tweet

Share

By WTTFFFF - United States - Tecumseh

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51726

You deserved it

4728

Tweet

Share

By atsukobo - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26516

You deserved it

3851

Tweet

Share

By LadyNexus - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34124

You deserved it

4261

Tweet

Share

By JJ101 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28147

You deserved it

6066

Tweet

Share

By WOCOACH - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44792

You deserved it

5020

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57167

You deserved it

6797

Tweet

Share

By Starter656

Today, I'm the designated driver for a Christmas party I wasn't even invited to. Not only do I get to watch people have a good time, but I'm also supposed to not get involved in the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4308

You deserved it

782

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10300

You deserved it

34649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49717

You deserved it

4124

Tweet

Share

By Luckless

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2154

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By calliefml - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89696

You deserved it

6152

Tweet

Share

By Miren - 2/7/2021 22:01

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Today, I thought I was suddenly having insulin problems due to my medical conditions. Turns out, every 4 weeks, your ovaries can just decide to make your blood sugar drop, even if you're transitioning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

660

You deserved it

394

Tweet

Share

By annoyed - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37103

You deserved it

2742

Tweet

Share

By liz - United States

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13077

You deserved it

52232

Tweet

Share

By HDCkid - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18547

You deserved it

62827

Tweet

Share

By clu - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9776

You deserved it

37008

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4346

You deserved it

644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1949

You deserved it

78

Tweet

Share

By Al Staten

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10364

You deserved it

2506

Tweet

Share

By FML FML FML!!

Today, we had to do a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I was Romeo, and this really pretty girl was Juliet. When she found out she was with me, I heard her say "FML." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By Stalkerella

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4583

You deserved it

252

Tweet

Share

By ScreweD- - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25050

You deserved it

2084

Tweet

Share

By unattractive - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32456

You deserved it

6340

Tweet

Share

By beta

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2934

You deserved it

811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ashburn

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16854

You deserved it

23427

Tweet

Share

By brandiboobarry

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30667

You deserved it

6970

Tweet

Share

By jonhapimp - United States

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31890

You deserved it

2454

Tweet

Share

By Daligheri - 2/3/2021 11:01

Sinking feeling

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

979

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2021 17:01

Foreshadowing

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

638

You deserved it

210

Tweet

Share

By sherrylynn - United States - West Haven

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55710

You deserved it

3809

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By fireblazes | 11

#7942899 - Monday 5 October 2020 17:14

Let him speak to the police instead.

By tounces7 | 27

#7942951 - Monday 5 October 2020 21:18

Well no wonder his son didn't get the job, with a father like that, maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

COMMENTS

By fireblazes | 11

#7942899 - Monday 5 October 2020 17:14

Let him speak to the police instead.

By tounces7 | 27

#7942951 - Monday 5 October 2020 21:18

Well no wonder his son didn't get the job, with a father like that, maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7942973 - Monday 5 October 2020 23:26

Sue him. That’ll be a lesson for him.