Work: Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after... - FML

By jobless - 10/04/2015 06:28 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 586

You deserved it 2 501

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Good kid

Am I the asshole?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 00:01

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 185

By Embarressed... - 04/08/2010 10:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 412

You deserved it 11 288

By xrebeccalou - 25/12/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 4 338

By wowzersthatsucks - 29/06/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 206

You deserved it 5 917

Genetics

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 17:00

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 242

Indifference

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 4 888

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 2 911

By ew - 15/09/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 231

You deserved it 1 557

By IHateGroupProjects - 25/04/2012 13:25 - United States - Riverdale

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 328

You deserved it 2 806

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 16:36 - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 677

You deserved it 3 611

By Daughter of the year - 11/03/2015 00:19 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 739

You deserved it 3 718

By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 434

You deserved it 3 917

By I hate nasty people - 05/04/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 785

You deserved it 2 154

By CARnage - 21/05/2010 10:11 - Australia

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 350

You deserved it 23 620

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 3 088

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 11 635

Pick me!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 17:01

Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 778

By moweezy9 - 21/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 332

You deserved it 15 809

By emi - 01/07/2012 04:30

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 913

You deserved it 5 300

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 5 341

By coleslaw - 03/02/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 047

You deserved it 25 973

Honor amongst maids

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 09:00

Today, a good friend from childhood, who was my maid of honor four years ago, got married. Without me knowing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 187

By hAHAha Halo - 02/08/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 775

You deserved it 5 127

By dontrapeme - 26/09/2012 10:30 - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 889

You deserved it 1 935

By lucky - 31/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 986

You deserved it 17 858

By N - 27/11/2012 03:13 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 201

You deserved it 2 339

By unlucky - 21/10/2010 13:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 125

You deserved it 5 226

End of the year assessment

By robbert - 04/12/2021 01:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I overheard my female coworkers huddling in the breakroom, rating the male coworkers from hottest to least. My manager is, “Probably packing, teehee.” The new kid, “has a girlfriend but that won’t stop me.” They unanimously agree that I’m, “friendly but probably lowkey a creep.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 205

By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 714

You deserved it 3 174

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:54 - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 554

You deserved it 19 201

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 271

You deserved it 76 699

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 643

You deserved it 9 859

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 570

You deserved it 1 824

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:49 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 892

You deserved it 6 957

By Malakai - 23/10/2018 22:00

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 3 555

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 739

You deserved it 4 800

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 311

You deserved it 12 662

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 3 758

By Not Worth a Lunch - 02/02/2015 14:25 - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 505

You deserved it 2 491

By cartrouble - 02/10/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 036

You deserved it 2 836

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Top comments

StzaCrack666 18

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:08

When you were taking out the trash you forgot a big piece... Your boss

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:10

Knock knock Who's there! Joe Joe who? Joe - your employee! Sorry Joe the employee doesn't work here anymore

Comments

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:08

What the heck?!? Damn OP. Sorry about that one.

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Friday 10 April 2015 22:05

That's really trashy of him... Alright I'm out of here

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Saturday 11 April 2015 1:10

i agree of what a shitty person for him to fire a person that way.

SecretAgent_700 15

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Saturday 11 April 2015 3:05

@59 This fml wasn't even about poop...

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Saturday 11 April 2015 4:59

62, I am not too witty to make a pun. I was just meaning his nasty personality. generally a jerk.

garrettcreek16 6

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Saturday 11 April 2015 16:29

What is op

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Sunday 12 April 2015 5:48

The person who made the fml is OP

StzaCrack666 18

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:08

When you were taking out the trash you forgot a big piece... Your boss

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:14

If it weren't for the cops, I would say that OP should trash the place.

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Friday 10 April 2015 17:16

If it weren't for his job, I say OP should trash the place…oh wait

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Friday 10 April 2015 17:33

It looks like the boss took out the trash! Sorry for your luck op

cameosurgeon 16

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Saturday 11 April 2015 10:00

I really want to know what else was going on. I'm not sure whether the blame should be on the boss or op.

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:10

Knock knock Who's there! Joe Joe who? Joe - your employee! Sorry Joe the employee doesn't work here anymore

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:10

This isn't professional at all and you should report him.

socialproduct 19

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Saturday 11 April 2015 7:30

Yeah. I'm no lawyer, but that doesn't sound like a very official and binding way to fire somebody.

K8Y09 8

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Sunday 12 April 2015 14:20

It's called unfair dismissal.. Look into it as you may have a case.. As long as you haven't been given any warning letters or verbal warnings either.. But locking you out of the office isn't very professional- which this case you may be in the right place to start a court suit against him

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

emo_child615 19

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

grajax 24

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:14

The FML states that the boss locked OP out, not OP locking OP out.

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:17

Re-read the FML. The boss intentionally locked the OP out. I suppose they could have refused a direct order from the boss, but then they could get fired for that anyway.

A07 48

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Friday 10 April 2015 18:25

Oh like OP would still have a job if they'd made sure the door was unlocked? The boss is a dick, not OP

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Friday 10 April 2015 22:26

*facepalm*

emo_child615 19

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:11

Your boss really needs to learn people skills and tell you you're fired.

netflixislife 15

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:11

Sounds like a trashy dismissal.

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Friday 10 April 2015 18:28

Idk why there are down votes, I found this really funny!

netflixislove 32

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Friday 10 April 2015 19:53

Very punny.

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:11

Dump the trash on his car

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:11

It kinda sounds like he should be the one getting locked out.

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Friday 10 April 2015 15:13

Lol childish

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 146

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47