Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
CrAzYELF4 26
This is what happens when parents are not allowed to be parents, because they will go to jail for child abuse. My parents slapped me when i was little and u know what? I never went and hit my dad in the groin.
jellybeens_fml 16
Time to bring the belt...
Thunderstruck14 30
She hurts him, he hurts her back. Does it sound like he's a parent teaching a lesson or a kid getting revenge?
HammyBear13 8
Why are you still talking? There is a difference in SPANKING and HITTING. You need to learn it before you start talking. A spanking, and explaination for why he spanked her is a perfrctly good form of discipline. A small pat on the butt is not going to hurt her.
WhackTheJackal 22
Carry a fake gun around and put it to her head when she tries to do it again.
NCITQ 6
Don't reproduce please.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You never point a gun at anyone (unless you're defending yourself or something). Even if it is just fake.
TheCrispyCat 20
You, you are ******* retarded.
WhackTheJackal 22
Well my motive is **** morals so no
Axipiter 24
You're sad and you should feel sad.
dreadbeat69 12
"my motive is **** morals" Wow, what an edgy and badass rebel. You sure showed all of us mindless sheeple that we aren't up to your level of coolness.
Axipiter 24
27, come on, leave him alone. Nobody understands him. Although with sentences like "my motive is **** morals", it's easy to see why. What the Hell does that even mean!?
5destroyer35 20
Thinks to self, "Am I the only one who picked up on that sarcasm?" *Looks at comments* "Yep."
Nyx7 24
Because that seems like a wonderful plan.. "911! My daddy wants to shoot me!"
1947Chevy 17
I agree your life sucks but if she did it more than on time you deserve it because you did not punish her corectly
HammyBear13 8
It clearly says she has done it more than once....or did you not read the whole thing?
jl_word 10
Spank that kitties girls bottom. It's called discipline. It works! Use it.
xSkittle 16
Some people don't know there are MUCH more effective ways instead of hitting a child..
unidentifieduser 23
Having kids usually requires a technique called "parenting". Try using it, I bet it'll work.
Mynamewontfi 40
Time for some ass whoopin! If you're against that, let her know that if she does that again, you will take all of her toys away or forbid her to go hangout with friends or something like that. She needs to learn there are consequences if she keeps persuing her bad behavior.
xadoringx 29
Run for ur life!!
skyeyez9 25
She does it because she doesn't respect you and does not fear any repercussions. You need to change that NOW vs complaining to FML.
skyeyez9 25
In this world, you are free to make your own choices. But you are not free from dealing with the consequences of those choices. In other words, you need to discipline her.
artyler 3
Can't believe the low number of YDI on this. If you have raised a child to the age of seven to believe that it is o.k. and a game to hit others (particularly her father) and thinks it is funny to see the pain she is able to inflict, then you are reaping what you sowed. You own this one all the way.