Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
BDA_fml 5
Talk to her parents. Oh wait........Never mind!
kipfischer 11
So many people on here talk about studies completed that proved positive reinforcement "generally" works much better than negative. I'm sure none of you read the studies from Standford and Yale which found an overwhelmingly correlation between children who were given both positive and negative forms of reinforcement and thier personal feelings of success in life. Spankings are necessary just as necessary as not soaking
5destroyer35 20
Erm, I think you meant sociopathic. Psycopathy is much worse than just a lack of empathy. Also, those people are not even close to either. They're just smart.
unixdude 9
Falcon punch.
Omniprism 15
Put her in time out and tell her she's not being nice when she does that. Ask her if she'd like to be hit like that. I saw a post that said discipline...use it. And I agree. Kids need and want structure or else their worlds will slowly start to unravel and they won't be able to function properly in and out of society.
Bigemrick 7
My country discipline is vital at school.. It helps us not to screw up people nuts
kaduzy 12
Sounds like she really doesn't want any more siblings.
Robert1989 9
do unto others as they do unto you.
Aero220 16
Slap the devil
Blahblah9921 4
the reason ur the parent