Kids: Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that... - FML

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 2 472

Mother of the year

Batman

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By ohgodwhy - 10/05/2019 12:00

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 570

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 310

You deserved it 4 468

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 121

You deserved it 700

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 681

You deserved it 2 924

By ENDmySUFFERING - 21/07/2016 15:25 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 198

You deserved it 1 284

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 19:47 - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 565

You deserved it 2 470

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 4 940

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 453

By Anonymous - 25/02/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 669

You deserved it 755

By definitelynotugly - 02/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 325

By Schaf_12 - 16/06/2012 18:10 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 880

You deserved it 5 142

By Her - 06/11/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 5 512

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 05:47 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as "you don't want to turn out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 5 555

By maddie - 06/11/2013 05:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 287

You deserved it 7 513

By kill me now - 16/01/2017 21:22

Spicy

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 140

You deserved it 6 525

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 4 111

By pink_cupcakes - 15/08/2009 10:22 - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 788

You deserved it 4 765

Broken

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 01:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I recently got out of hospital after suffering a bad head injury. My doctor warned me I might have localised skin numbness, and it turns out I do. In my penis. Can’t feel a thing down there. We discovered this in bed, where nothing could get a rise out of me because it was completely dead FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 143

By bridalqueen - 24/03/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 082

You deserved it 7 447

By Anonymous - 08/08/2018 20:30

Today, at 9 o’clock in the morning while I was working, I made the mistake of being comfortable with a machine that literally bends and breaks steel bars. I lost my entire middle finger and the top third of my pinky and ring fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 624

You deserved it 1 496

By Somekindofcaleb - 11/09/2017 01:30

Today, my car died after I got off work at 1am. All of my coworkers had already left and nobody could come out to jump my car. I had to walk the 3 miles home in a torrential downpour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 261

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 13:59

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 21:17 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 133

You deserved it 4 453

By Becky - 11/05/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 2 368

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:24 - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 4 819

By FailAtLife - 22/02/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 157

You deserved it 33 664

By Anonymous - 17/01/2010 00:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 8 846

By Craig - 17/02/2010 06:30 - Canada

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 431

You deserved it 32 944

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Spicy

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 082

You deserved it 24 720

By foojew93 - 09/08/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 205

You deserved it 3 796

Yikes

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 17:00

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 211

By yankeeboy123 - 12/01/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 571

You deserved it 3 307

By Kortnie Peterman - 02/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I found out my Nuva ring comes out quite easily, especially when he manages to hook it around the tip of his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 12/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 733

You deserved it 3 355

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Austin

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 114

By loki - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 947

You deserved it 23 417

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 850

You deserved it 4 079

By drakx88 - 06/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132 737

You deserved it 6 530

By Anonymous - 16/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 11 222

By numbat97 - 14/06/2019 02:00 - Australia - Burswood

Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 391

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:42

This honestly sounds like a very fun situation: "Honey, I love you, I'm not a r... error. Override. Must destroy planet earth".

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:41

siblings are the best.

Comments

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:41

siblings are the best.

Chickenlips21 13

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:45

No. Best are the Siblings.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 12 April 2015 20:35

I feel bad for Stephen Hawking...

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 2:36

Maybe she should make herself bleed a little to prove she's not?

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:41

I wish my mom had been a robot! I would've been able to use logic to convince her that 3 a.m. was a perfectly reasonable time for a curfew.

Killswitchknot 20

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Monday 13 April 2015 5:52

And that ice cream and cake was appropriate dinner.

CreampuffMcKill 11

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:41

I sense a Spongebob reference in here.

quesok 22

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:44

There is always a spongebob reference if you look hard enough

mmmxr 11

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Sunday 12 April 2015 23:25

Did she see her talking to her radio?

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:41

Really what teen would go through the trouble of all that

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Sunday 12 April 2015 22:06

A bored one

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:42

We once did the same to a friend of mine, but we let him believe that my dog was a robot. Never laughed so hard, hope you can set things straight tho haha

mmmxr 11

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Sunday 12 April 2015 23:23

How dumb is your friend to actually think your dog was a robot lol.

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:42

This honestly sounds like a very fun situation: "Honey, I love you, I'm not a r... error. Override. Must destroy planet earth".

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:42

now if u were a cop that would of been a different story

quesok 22

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:43

Domo Arigato Mr Roboto

Vagitarian4life 14

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:43

IO OIII IIO OIOI III IOI OII IO!!!!!!

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:46

No need for that kind of language!

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Sunday 12 April 2015 19:43

Have her watch the movie Smart House. That should definitely clear things up

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 26

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 274