Kids: Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up...

By Exodiafinder687 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

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Exodiafinder687 tells us more :

I just want to thank everyone for their support. Always be careful of strange looking insects. You never know which ones are dangerous.

Kids

Understandable

Mother of the year

Nutter on the bus

By noeducation - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

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By Eric - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

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By I'm so sorry...

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

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By FUSheldon - United States - Millstadt

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

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By letmedienow - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

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By sweet_02 - United States

Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn't care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

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By NiHao - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

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By rattness - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

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By GDubeau24 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

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By CallMeMrFunny

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

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By boo - United States

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

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By rabbitkiller - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

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By Che_likes_you - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

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By nowimbroketoo - Australia - Beaumaris

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

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By joxerthemighty39 - United States

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

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By sunlightchild_14 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

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By Allergies suck - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

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By forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

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By Anonymous

Rude awakening

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

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By Taylor Easley - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By RogerReady - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 17:01

So sorry I called you a dingdong

Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML

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By nevermind

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jefferson

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

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By noname - France

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

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By GothicbunnyxC - Canada

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

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By Genius

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

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By AngryLittleMan - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

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By just hangin

Today, as I was pulling wire for an addition to my boss's house, I was on a ladder drilling a hole when my coworker kicked the ladder out from under me and left me hanging from a rafter twenty feet in the air. To make matters worse, I had to pee. I'm now in my car with dead arms and wet pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML

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Top comments

By davidpropert | 32

#6260307 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:46

Gardening 101: pants are your friend

By jigglypuff34 | 16

#6260317 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:51

The real definition of a fire crotch.

COMMENTS

By KayDee29 | 31

#6260305 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:46

Hah! I'm sorry OP, but I cannot help but laugh at the thought. Also, I hope you're okay from the spontaneous attack on your genitals.

KLuke2015 | 12

#6265518 - Friday 17 April 2015 23:13

They started a fire in her panties!

By swaglesshipster | 23

#6260306 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:46

Ouch, at least there's a funny story for the future :D

By davidpropert | 32

#6260307 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:46

Gardening 101: pants are your friend

Xamry14 | 10

#6269516 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 5:39

Pretty sure they could crawl up pants just as easy lol

By NandersTheFox | 22

#6260308 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

kmaheynoway | 25

#6260316 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:51

Why do people comment these? Is it an attempt at reverse psychology? The world may never know.

Sansa_fml | 38

#6260441 - Sunday 12 April 2015 19:13

#8 negative attention. Some people seem to enjoy that.

By Redoxx_fml | 22

#6260309 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:47

"This #^*% is on fireee "

kmaheynoway | 25

#6260320 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:52

Literal "balls of fire"

By FuKcMee | 32

#6260312 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:49

nothing worse than having ants in your pants

By jigglypuff34 | 16

#6260317 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:51

The real definition of a fire crotch.

sunnyskys | 25

#6261722 - Monday 13 April 2015 19:39

crotch fire*??? or fire crotch?? Am I missing a punchline, a story, or something??

Izabushel | 65

#6261894 - Monday 13 April 2015 23:00

Slang for the pubic hair of a person with red hair.

By 1997_Life | 11

#6260318 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:52

Kids and their childish ANTics, this will be something to laugh about later in life. Hopefully your intimate anatomy is okay.

By VoldooPed | 20

#6260325 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:57

Ah kids. Don't you love 'em?

By SadSouthernBell | 18

#6260327 - Sunday 12 April 2015 16:57

I once had a similar experience, but with a crab spider on my shirt. After the blisters fade, you'll find the humor in it.