Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Admit it, that turned you on.
enonymous 9
She probably has to put up with your Dutch ovens. Only fair
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Comments (145)
vickiejiang1990 0
No cuddling for her!
hockey199813 5
Did it turn you on?
glenzhao2 16
Sick wheels, bro.
rebekahah 7
At least she's self aware. :)
WCARlover 35
She was gagging because of how good they smelled
r6_fml 4
Breathe through your mouth and shut the hell up
eurekaroy 6
What a woman. 0_o
iomnomnomux3 0
that's attractive.
Rangie 6
That's just gross! Tell her to shower already!
pdp_fml 21
I agree. Tell her to take a shower with you. It's very sexy and you might end up with a very happy ending.
halfbakedlogic 6
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the one still with this cavewoman? So really you must not care that much/ have a little stank yourself
GoingLesbian 0
Lmfao cave woman? Whoa, you must still live in that fantasy world where women don't have body hair and smell like passion fruit 24/7. Good luck on your visit to reality!
DaiCarmuhh 6
Corrected! Biatch!!
sara122010 4
Just stuff her in the blankets; so you don't have to breath in her stank! lol