Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Admit it, that turned you on.
enonymous 9
She probably has to put up with your Dutch ovens. Only fair
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Comments (145)
LegitMaddie 0
Got B.O get D.O!!
Lovesglee 3
I didnt think u were awake...
Sabraynay 10
Sexy.
Snookie85 19
what an awesome turn on! lol
butterflyz1961 2
And then the two of you made love.
BiancaW 0
I would have asked her if she was going to shower or at least wash her pits. I wouldn't want her stank on my sheets. Js.
bigguy123456 2
Does she not know what ladies speedstick is??
marpay 11
It's called speed stick it's not expensive.
bigguy123456 2
Exactly:) so she has no reason not to use deoderent:P
muffinbuttman 0
If you think she smells bad jump in the shower and give her a hand XD
Tyger44 1
Dear OP's GF, Your BF is a douche bag.dump him.find someone who actually cares about you. . This should be the other way arnd. Today,my bf saw me having a private moment&he posted that on fml,fml.
WellThatsMe 0
Mmm, mmmm sexyyyyyy