Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
Your gf sounds like an asshole and I’d honestly probably leave over that. That’s ******* disgusting and a violation and I don’t think I could fully trust someone knowing they did all that to me at my most vulnerable. ******* eww. Like, that’s some sociopathic shit right there.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I like breakfast in bed, but I prefer to eat it when I'm awake. And when it's food.
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Comments (8)
Marcella1016 32
Your gf sounds like an asshole and I’d honestly probably leave over that. That’s ******* disgusting and a violation and I don’t think I could fully trust someone knowing they did all that to me at my most vulnerable. ******* eww. Like, that’s some sociopathic shit right there.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I like breakfast in bed, but I prefer to eat it when I'm awake. And when it's food.
geerod 16
Next time it might be your Ass !
Evol1nOC 8
At least he’s at home now ******* somebody else
Wadlaen 24
Apparently you're a heavy sleeper...
warmonger711 8
Dump, unless you are 9.
kevinwm0 15
It could've been worse - do you remember that scene from "Idiocracy"? ...