Transportation: Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down....

By pothole - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24976

You deserved it

4145

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Transportation

Zoomed out

Horsing around

Damn squares!

By sufia - Pakistan

Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15222

You deserved it

1152

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By Playaaa - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15369

You deserved it

28451

Favorite

By JustEwww - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35086

You deserved it

13345

Favorite

By aricababyy - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4719

You deserved it

568

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By poorchild - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34026

You deserved it

2895

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11836

You deserved it

43443

Favorite

By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33480

You deserved it

8626

Favorite

By fuckspellcheck - United States

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23661

You deserved it

62036

Favorite

By "baow" - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2050

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By unwanted - 1/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2093

You deserved it

126

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By cherbear1000 - United States - Nottingham

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46722

You deserved it

5699

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newtown Square

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23846

You deserved it

1485

Favorite

By kggggg - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16747

You deserved it

47264

Favorite

By Pierced

Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3012

You deserved it

390

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45391

You deserved it

6790

Favorite

By sweatstreaks - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25028

You deserved it

11465

Favorite

By hungry - United States

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44539

You deserved it

26458

Favorite

By Carlyclose

Today, I got rejected from Sephora, Walgreens and Ulta for being OVER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. Then, I got rejected from Estée Lauder, LVMH and Proctor and Gamble for being UNDER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5131

You deserved it

356

Favorite

By Jade

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18309

You deserved it

42490

Favorite

By WTF - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49159

You deserved it

4456

Favorite

Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27211

You deserved it

2341

Favorite

By maximus - United States

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10201

You deserved it

31071

Favorite

By Beaky - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7088

You deserved it

49821

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41866

You deserved it

2891

Favorite

By tryingnottocare - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55278

You deserved it

4571

Favorite

By fmlforreal - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28083

You deserved it

9581

Favorite

By Tech Savvy - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29548

You deserved it

4923

Favorite

By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

276

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Cleanfreak? - Denmark - ?lborg

Funky

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4834

You deserved it

576

Favorite

By zamwow - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60632

You deserved it

8839

Favorite

By yawning - Australia

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33843

You deserved it

9843

Favorite

By ThankYou! - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23699

You deserved it

1956

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By Sorry? - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11990

You deserved it

733

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38369

You deserved it

3239

Favorite

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25815

You deserved it

8360

Favorite

By tedfragle - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I realised that as I get closer to home, I drive slower and slower so I'm away from my husband for longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11568

You deserved it

2559

Favorite

Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2291

You deserved it

1184

Favorite

By bestiality, not even once - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68270

You deserved it

6685

Favorite

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Top comments

By NGM_47 | 0

#912090 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:18

Clean it up with Orbit white!....FABULOUS!

For a good, clean feeling, no matter what!

By Sfugius | 0

#912081 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:15

...why was your mouth open again...?

COMMENTS

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#912076 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:14

No better way to clench your thirst than that.

scarletdragonfly | 5

#912109 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:22

Tasty!

scarletdragonfly | 5

#912116 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:24

Haha! At first I thought it said, "hit a poodle" instead of, "hit a pothole".

FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#912165 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:34

erjaguam?

tweetbaby14 | 17

#912175 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:38

why were you driving with your mouth open in the first place?

Intoxicunt | 5

#912179 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:42

Lmao, snickerdoodles. Very good.

FMyLifeCereal | 0

#912239 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:02

Sounds like Tiger Woods' dream neighborhood sply.

woofis | 0

#912281 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:17

that sucks

christianm791 | 0

#912320 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:32

lol

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#912379 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:58

I meant snickerdoodles lol

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#912386 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:59

WTF is going on I don't know where my other comment went, so snickerdoodles is what I meant not "snickerdoodled"

ThuhBoss | 0

#912418 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:10

I bet you swallowed.

UberFail79 | 0

#912430 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:12

Well, the OP DID get Snickerdoodled...

chrislegend | 0

#912559 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:47

err...quench

1sh4ggedURm0m | 0

#912577 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:52

lol

NoDeath | 0

#912750 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:54

That's right drink it I bet it tasted like shjt

Yee12 | 0

#912965 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:20

WTF is anti flood protection?

Yee12 | 0

#912971 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:22

Olympian94 | 0

#913038 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:49

I R.E.A.L.L.Y. would like to slap Snick square in the face.

Sorry, someone had to say it.

Fatalally | 4

#913054 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:54

Lmao like #1 said, why was his mouth open?* Oh what a nice day, drops mouth open and sticks his head the window* lol

Yee12 | 0

#913257 - Thursday 4 March 2010 6:37

Anti flood protection won't let me be a troll :(

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#913285 - Thursday 4 March 2010 6:57

#55 I don't know but it's annoying

boyguydudemalema | 0

#913374 - Thursday 4 March 2010 7:45

snickerdoodle, what an annoying fuck. By the way, isn't it spose to be "quench?" just asking

erjaguam | 0

#925522 - Monday 8 March 2010 17:10

lol!

Narelon | 12

#5510944 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:42

Settle down there, Hulk.

By Sfugius | 0

#912081 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:15

...why was your mouth open again...?

Mahyar | 2

#912150 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:29

PWN LOLLOKOLOLOL

ralphv16 | 1

#912758 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:55

way too happy. he shouldve kept his mouth shut.

By NGM_47 | 0

#912090 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:18

Clean it up with Orbit white!....FABULOUS!

For a good, clean feeling, no matter what!

jellybean120 | 10

#912096 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:19

you just made me laugh for about a minute! :D

morganmariah | 0

#912160 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:34

haha that's great!

kirbykzoo | 0

#912227 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:55

zang. stole my line

lol_ironic_life | 9

#912233 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:58

lol was thinking the same thing! Why was OPs mouth open anyways?

deathcab7 | 0

#912540 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:42

op likes keeping their mouth open at all times. just to be prepared.

foxytrot | 0

#912638 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:13

hahaha!!!!

carolinebeast | 0

#913854 - Thursday 4 March 2010 13:51

lmao hahahahaaxD that goes with your picture so well xDD

By alyssadapsycho | 7

#912092 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:19

thats wat yu get fo keepin yur windows open

By baby_gurly | 0

#912108 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:23

BAHAHAHA! that just made my day. btw. delishh.

By PsychoMerk | 0

#912114 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:24

so the other people couldve potentially died and you're tripping about water? 0_o it's not like your seat are made of suede... cuz that'd be stupid -_-