Transportation: Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down....

By pothole - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

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24989

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4148

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Transportation

Triage

Some friend

Promises, promises

By Forgotten Birthday Girl

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

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4859

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264

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By Undercooked - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

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52775

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12788

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2831

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By Cellismasher - United States

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38626

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By emilyupsidedown - United States

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

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8002

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

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11758

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By AvocadoPurse

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

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2669

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268

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By WhyM3¿?¿

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2631

You deserved it

152

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By katurday - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34160

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6357

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By alyssac11 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

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30532

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4252

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By TTR - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12898

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By anonymous

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

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32714

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6852

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By nerd - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9296

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By BrisbaneCoop - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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36195

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3067

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By justagirl

Fatherlessness

Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2381

You deserved it

203

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By awesome - United States

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36629

You deserved it

4586

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By iHateWorms - Australia

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11486

You deserved it

33590

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26135

You deserved it

4217

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

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43821

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By James

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1731

You deserved it

102

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By sammyxoxo - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

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36684

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By nhyari - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46023

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

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32396

You deserved it

2771

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By MattClifford - 15/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Great start

Today, I passed my driver's test. As I was driving home, I was rear-ended. Rear-ended by the examiner that'd passed me. FML

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1172

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By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37252

You deserved it

5149

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By sammsamm56 - United States

Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

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34318

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4636

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By FML - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59646

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10146

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By UnfortunateGirly - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

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28194

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6349

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By anonymous - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

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39087

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4711

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By hurt - United States

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

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46401

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By OrangeTree12 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11154

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By thatsureshowedme - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

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23050

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By jakeeey - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

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40051

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By jdch_99 - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

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25194

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1632

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By foreveralone - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48887

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3527

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By Lauren Smith - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39250

You deserved it

6161

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By Nutless - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62444

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

312605

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43883

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By Infadel - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

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37759

You deserved it

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By thanks mom ¬_¬ - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

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45594

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Top comments

By NGM_47 | 0

#912090 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:18

Clean it up with Orbit white!....FABULOUS!

For a good, clean feeling, no matter what!

By Sfugius | 0

#912081 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:15

...why was your mouth open again...?

COMMENTS

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#912076 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:14

No better way to clench your thirst than that.

scarletdragonfly | 5

#912109 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:22

Tasty!

scarletdragonfly | 5

#912116 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:24

Haha! At first I thought it said, "hit a poodle" instead of, "hit a pothole".

FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#912165 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:34

erjaguam?

tweetbaby14 | 17

#912175 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:38

why were you driving with your mouth open in the first place?

Intoxicunt | 5

#912179 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:42

Lmao, snickerdoodles. Very good.

FMyLifeCereal | 0

#912239 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:02

Sounds like Tiger Woods' dream neighborhood sply.

woofis | 0

#912281 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:17

that sucks

christianm791 | 0

#912320 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:32

lol

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#912379 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:58

I meant snickerdoodles lol

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#912386 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:59

WTF is going on I don't know where my other comment went, so snickerdoodles is what I meant not "snickerdoodled"

ThuhBoss | 0

#912418 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:10

I bet you swallowed.

UberFail79 | 0

#912430 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:12

Well, the OP DID get Snickerdoodled...

chrislegend | 0

#912559 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:47

err...quench

1sh4ggedURm0m | 0

#912577 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:52

lol

NoDeath | 0

#912750 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:54

That's right drink it I bet it tasted like shjt

Yee12 | 0

#912965 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:20

WTF is anti flood protection?

Yee12 | 0

#912971 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:22

Olympian94 | 0

#913038 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:49

I R.E.A.L.L.Y. would like to slap Snick square in the face.

Sorry, someone had to say it.

Fatalally | 4

#913054 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:54

Lmao like #1 said, why was his mouth open?* Oh what a nice day, drops mouth open and sticks his head the window* lol

Yee12 | 0

#913257 - Thursday 4 March 2010 6:37

Anti flood protection won't let me be a troll :(

sugarbabyxoxo | 2

#913285 - Thursday 4 March 2010 6:57

#55 I don't know but it's annoying

boyguydudemalema | 0

#913374 - Thursday 4 March 2010 7:45

snickerdoodle, what an annoying fuck. By the way, isn't it spose to be "quench?" just asking

erjaguam | 0

#925522 - Monday 8 March 2010 17:10

lol!

Narelon | 12

#5510944 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:42

Settle down there, Hulk.

By Sfugius | 0

#912081 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:15

...why was your mouth open again...?

Mahyar | 2

#912150 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:29

PWN LOLLOKOLOLOL

ralphv16 | 1

#912758 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:55

way too happy. he shouldve kept his mouth shut.

By NGM_47 | 0

#912090 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:18

Clean it up with Orbit white!....FABULOUS!

For a good, clean feeling, no matter what!

jellybean120 | 10

#912096 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:19

you just made me laugh for about a minute! :D

morganmariah | 0

#912160 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:34

haha that's great!

kirbykzoo | 0

#912227 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:55

zang. stole my line

lol_ironic_life | 9

#912233 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:58

lol was thinking the same thing! Why was OPs mouth open anyways?

deathcab7 | 0

#912540 - Thursday 4 March 2010 1:42

op likes keeping their mouth open at all times. just to be prepared.

foxytrot | 0

#912638 - Thursday 4 March 2010 2:13

hahaha!!!!

carolinebeast | 0

#913854 - Thursday 4 March 2010 13:51

lmao hahahahaaxD that goes with your picture so well xDD

By alyssadapsycho | 7

#912092 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:19

thats wat yu get fo keepin yur windows open

By baby_gurly | 0

#912108 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:23

BAHAHAHA! that just made my day. btw. delishh.

By PsychoMerk | 0

#912114 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 23:24

so the other people couldve potentially died and you're tripping about water? 0_o it's not like your seat are made of suede... cuz that'd be stupid -_-