Health: Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 27

02/11/2009 06:12

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 2 685

Triage

Stop talking!

Help!

19/09/2009 14:10

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 210

You deserved it 57 207

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 80

28/01/2009 21:53

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 888

You deserved it 27 677

31/07/2009 21:05

Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 156

You deserved it 4 541

Don't drink and letch

By GonnaGetFired - 31/03/2010 00:11

Spicy

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 594

You deserved it 40 160

13/04/2012 14:15

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 3 305

17/03/2015 14:54

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 2 981

Best buds

By anonymous - 23/01/2012 15:59

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 679

You deserved it 5 068

09/03/2010 06:43

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 930

You deserved it 22 253

Family channels have issues

By Dylann - 06/09/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 16, my sister is 13 and our little brother is 9. Our parents just told us their plans to start a family vlog on YouTube, because, "It's made people rich. Don't you want to be rich?" I said I didn't want to be a part of such a humiliating enterprise, but they started filming me, as a "first family argument video." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 87

"I Raised a Sociopath"

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Spicy

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 250

29/10/2010 06:12

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 316

You deserved it 3 120

19/12/2015 07:12

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 086

You deserved it 1 638

30/12/2015 07:48

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 871

You deserved it 1 749

17/05/2012 22:02

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 958

You deserved it 2 615

Grand Old Irony

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 02:12

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 828

28/02/2010 10:51

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 3 205

03/10/2011 12:37

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 5 900

12/04/2009 06:50

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 56 831

10/09/2012 21:20

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 666

You deserved it 7 962

Quite the catch

By Ms. Piggy - 02/03/2014 19:09

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 087

You deserved it 7 476

27/09/2013 01:32

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 249

You deserved it 2 588

25/01/2012 04:51

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 932

You deserved it 2 644

27/02/2015 00:08

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 295

You deserved it 5 792

07/03/2011 22:23

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 506

You deserved it 13 864

26/05/2009 21:37

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 194

You deserved it 3 874

06/04/2009 21:50

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 703

You deserved it 27 465

Whistleblower

By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 08/03/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 100

You old fool

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 17:01

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 53

13/03/2011 12:48

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 080

You deserved it 4 224

Alexa, play "What difference does it make?" by The Smiths

By tarah - 10/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 101

15/10/2011 17:05

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 406

You deserved it 5 208

07/05/2009 12:09

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 436

You deserved it 85 706

How you remind me

By heartfelt - 02/08/2014 03:23

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 417

You deserved it 4 072

09/12/2014 21:14

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 516

You deserved it 3 124

22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 365

You deserved it 2 840

08/08/2009 13:42

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 405

You deserved it 4 056

Bashing

By ZiggyTink - 09/07/2015 03:24

Today, my boyfriend's brother and his fiancée decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine, if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 564

You deserved it 2 375

05/10/2014 18:44

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 5 430

25/03/2013 08:48

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 610

You deserved it 6 432

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Monday 2 November 2009 13:08

Sounds like something my dad would do... dads are even worse than boyfriends about remembering that stuff. Trouble is you can't dump your dad.

BelaLugosisdead 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:19

Ew. That sucks. You think your dad would remember something as simple as you're allergic to nuts.

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:06

thats what you get for eating nuts!!! :D and oh my gosh im first!!! big freakin deal who cares

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:12

I do, I care a lot.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:06

it's my 17th birthday too!!!!! happy birthday to us! :D

giganticbrain 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:43

nut allergies are quite serious

Reyo 2

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Monday 2 November 2009 20:42

Well...considering it was her FATHER who should've been living in the same house with her for the last 17 YEARS...yeah, what kind of an idiot forgets something like that. It's like forgetting you have skin cancer.

sayyestothedress 24

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Saturday 30 August 2014 15:18

#3 your pic is fucking creepy!

BelaLugosisdead 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:19

Ew. That sucks. You think your dad would remember something as simple as you're allergic to nuts.

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

offspringfan122 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:30

http://ihatejade.com/?id=rd11gjw8473862ae4yfidz6sfqrwau this website is awesome

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:37

how nice of him. sucks for u, you were basically choking over nuts xD

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Monday 25 July 2011 21:19

haha clever...

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:39

Thats a great money saving program. He figures that next year you are 18 which usually means some big sort of birthday gift. He thought if he could top you off on your 17th birthday then that would save him the money from any subsequent birthdays.. or at least make you so wary of anything that he gives you in future that if he gave you something like a car that you would not want it fearing he had cut the brakes or something. ;)

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:45

well maybe he didnt see the nuts would you go looking for something youre allergic to in your cake?

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:47

He made it. If he didn't see the nuts, there's a big problem there. :P

T9FTW 20

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Monday 19 August 2013 6:35

I'm sure he saw his nuts there. I mean, I always see min-- Oh, wait...

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Monday 2 November 2009 13:00

people of FML!!! please do me a favor and go to this site idc what you do there just go to it it doesnt matter if you just open it, let it load, and then close it http://ihatejade.com/?id=c09p6ox5mv731xjodovyh7at3l5zao

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Monday 2 November 2009 13:08

Sounds like something my dad would do... dads are even worse than boyfriends about remembering that stuff. Trouble is you can't dump your dad.

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Monday 2 November 2009 13:35

Haha this comment is awesome. I would totally dump my dad. lmao.

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Friday 11 June 2010 4:12

no not in my case my dad is the one who always checks for peanuts.

militarybrat 21

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Thursday 18 July 2013 6:54

When i had a roommate, we had a list of things she was allergic to on the fridge so we wouldn't make something she would eat with the items. How difficult is that?