Health: Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going...

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 724

You deserved it 2 821

Health

Own it

Our house, in the middle of our street

Mummy's boy

Hello goodbye

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 08:00

Today, after four years of infertility, my wife and I found out our miracle pregnancy was going to be a boy; our first child. Twenty minutes later, we found out our child has a terminal genetic condition, and will die in the next 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 251

You deserved it 67

By datingablonde - 11/01/2013 05:20 - Australia - Attadale

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 197

You deserved it 9 580

By for the whored - 18/12/2015 20:46 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 039

You deserved it 3 204

By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 939

You deserved it 3 734

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 139

You deserved it 5 446

Godammit Ursula!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my sister has been telling people I’ve been dead for the last 3 months, to cover up the fact she used me to commit identity fraud. We’re identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 48

By Loveless - 06/05/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 891

You deserved it 5 600

By mylifesucks - 30/08/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 775

You deserved it 8 382

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 3 044

By Mal2222 - 12/02/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 261

You deserved it 35 080

Cool moves

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 011

You deserved it 82 680

By thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart - 15/11/2016 18:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 659

You deserved it 1 003

By ms98 - 05/08/2014 04:52 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 676

You deserved it 3 660

By single - 01/07/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 774

You deserved it 4 503

By wetboy - 05/07/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 8 871

Sorry, man

By Lii - 24/03/2015 01:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 015

You deserved it 15 373

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 087

You deserved it 2 781

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 450

You deserved it 6 820

Very helpful, dude

By anon - 14/06/2021 08:01

Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 178

By couch_potato - 28/03/2013 07:53

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 784

You deserved it 24 716

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 08:01

Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 229

By Username - 25/05/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 074

You deserved it 36 137

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 939

You deserved it 6 468

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21 - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 975

You deserved it 2 675

By pissed - 07/07/2016 18:39

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a 3-month contract 3 hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 815

You deserved it 1 126

By Celina - 12/01/2009 09:55 - United States

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 711

You deserved it 5 325

By girlie - 04/03/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 388

You deserved it 47 418

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 15:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 305

You deserved it 7 688

By tongue tied - 11/02/2013 08:57 - United States - Meadville

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 887

You deserved it 31 408

Grab it while you can

By Arabian_Soap - 31/05/2021 16:01 - Australia - Mermaid Beach

Today, I was walking through a rich part of the city and saw 2 dollars on the ground. I didn't pick it so people wouldn't think I was poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 1 068

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 847

You deserved it 10 700

By 2yearsofHotSexThenThis - 25/08/2009 08:47 - New Zealand

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 244

You deserved it 11 013

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 523

You deserved it 4 513

By Noname - 17/03/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222 639

You deserved it 18 952

By ECullen - 21/05/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 645

You deserved it 24 932

By meowcat101 - 21/08/2010 04:05 - Canada

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 227

You deserved it 3 226

By rosabelle91 - 17/06/2012 14:58 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 14 758

By J. Homen - 30/03/2013 22:22 - United States

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 751

You deserved it 5 768

Helicopter

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 78

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Top comments

ActionManly 11

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:27

He shows you affection, tries to get intimate, gives you a present, then starts choking over words for you, and all you can do is complain. YDI.

jchansfan 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:10

WELL THAT JUST BLOWS CHUNKS! =( lol :P

Tgump 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:05

Drunk roommates. FYL!

The_Pleb 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 14:33

Pics or it didnt happen

Saccharide 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 23:18

FYL. FYL worse if you're not gay. FYL even more if you're not gay and he seriously likes you.

primogen18 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 5:26

"I love you man" is one of the most common phrases said by drunk people to friends... so I doubt he's gay.

jchansfan 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:10

WELL THAT JUST BLOWS CHUNKS! =( lol :P

GR3453m0nk3y 4

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:13

wtf is retching!?!?!

amy397123 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:26

You could have just googled it and saved yourself a heap of time.

jchansfan 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:31

You see there's a thing called a dictionary, saves time and makes you look less stupid. That or you coulod do a search. Though maybe we expect too much. i mean you aren't even sharp enough to know what retch means sooo.... I'm sorry, I'm being really mean to you for some reason... =(

IgniteMe28 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 19:20

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=retching+definition :)

0515_dw_090084 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 19:38

I find the irony that you spelled could wrong to delicious not to point out!! ha ha.

jchansfan 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 20:29

LOL I know. That typo just bleeds irony.

renaet 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 1:39

I find it ironic that you used the wrong "too." And "I find the irony" is also incorrect. It should be "I find it ironic." I used it above just to help you out... :]

jonathanhand 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 18:58

lol at the try hard

ActionManly 11

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:27

He shows you affection, tries to get intimate, gives you a present, then starts choking over words for you, and all you can do is complain. YDI.

Rayn4u_fml 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 14:16

Agreed. What more do you expect from your roomate? You should return the sentiment.

offspringfan122 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:28

http://ihatejade.com/?id=rd11gjw8473862ae4yfidz6sfqrwau this website is hilarious!

Mx_Rider 6

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:35

wow, way to go being a big dick to some guy who didnt know what retching means seriously.. it must be that time of the month for u

GR3453m0nk3y 4

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:47

people of FML!!! please do me a favor and go to this site idc what you do there just go to it it doesnt matter if you just open it, let it load, and then close it http://ihatejade.com/?id=c09p6ox5mv731xjodovyh7at3l5zao

bosshaug 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 12:53

I always find it strange when 2 FML's are almost exactly alike and there less than 3 days apart

ezycaa 0

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Monday 2 November 2009 13:20

so you're saying, bosshaug, that its a rare occasion for people to be sick? plus, the moderators could have just accepted this, this event coulda happened long before the other one!