Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My husband said he had to work today and “rain checked” my birthday celebration for “god knows when, because I’m so busy. I’ll let you know.” A couple of months ago it was his female work bestie’s birthday and he got her a cake, balloon, flowers, and requested time off to take her out for lunch. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML
Today, it's my birthday. After I chose a restaurant, made a reservation, and organised a babysitter, I've been sitting here alone for over an hour, still waiting for my husband to show up. FML
Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML
Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Oh, yeah, when I was employed as a Selfish Prick, it made gift giving extremely difficult. The pay wasn't even that good.
Psycocharger 19
So rude of him!!! You should hide his beer for revenge >:)
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Comments (83)
tiger820 20
sorry OP but it's not going to get any better.
XxDanno316xX 27
Thanks Captain Negative
Brokeandsad 8
Grab the sexiest dress you own, grab your girls, grab his beer, and go have an awesome birthday! Don't go down like a bitch or whine like one lol just get even :)
assassinmaster 22
he worked in a beer factory! he worked in a beer factory!
oceaneyes213 21
Why not just share the beer?
TomeDr 25
My ex once bought the video Porkies (a movie I despise) and said it was my birthday present.
KILJOY310 11
Should of started drinking his beer, got drunk and tell him you didn't have time to get your wine because of work.
JaysBae 19
Maybe it's a cover up for a biiiigggggg Birthday surprise!...if not, screw him and go have a fun GNO!!
Dawsonah 14
I thinks that is where you find a new husband or talk to him about it. That is very rude and selfish of him.
SwingingChili 11
Drink his beer
XxDanno316xX 27
He's a selfish prick, but from me to you happy birthday OP. I hope your 31st is much better :)