Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My husband said he had to work today and “rain checked” my birthday celebration for “god knows when, because I’m so busy. I’ll let you know.” A couple of months ago it was his female work bestie’s birthday and he got her a cake, balloon, flowers, and requested time off to take her out for lunch. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML
Today, it's my birthday. After I chose a restaurant, made a reservation, and organised a babysitter, I've been sitting here alone for over an hour, still waiting for my husband to show up. FML
Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML
Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
Oh, yeah, when I was employed as a Selfish Prick, it made gift giving extremely difficult. The pay wasn't even that good.
Psycocharger 19
So rude of him!!! You should hide his beer for revenge >:)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
worldclassrager 41
Time for a drink but no time for you? A bit selfish
Siehnados 17
Sounds like you picked a winner...
igg125 30
Happy birthday
flopstar 21
Happy birthday go out with some friends & hopefully tomorrow he will make it up to you (: I'm sorry about that though
moodyreallyrocks 27
Happy Birthday OP! Don't let it ruin your big day, go out and have fun!!
WreckeRalph36 18
Divorce ?
AScooterman 12
Next time he's asking for sex you should tell him that your pussy doesn't have time it's cat napping
creepyclowntown 10
sounds like a friend of mine's husband.she wouldn't be able to just leave though because she has kids.fyl
katiepda 11
sounds like my husband.
ko051598 20
You should of asked him for the beer then ?