Nervous?

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

Bad day #74746

Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

All shook up

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

Better safe than sorry

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

Panic!

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

Today, while waiting for my job interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

Let it all out

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML