Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury....

By Offended - 19/2/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49210

You deserved it

2973

Favorite

Health

Understandable

Rock, hard place

This ain't working out

By Anonymous - 28/5/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3774

You deserved it

1711

Favorite

By The Draught of Living Death - 17/7/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4488

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By magicman - 4/7/2012 09:04 - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14110

You deserved it

31293

Favorite

By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29031

You deserved it

3851

Favorite

By irony - 25/2/2016 15:08 - United States - Louisville

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21619

You deserved it

1769

Favorite

By Nublet - 7/9/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35844

You deserved it

5432

Favorite

By Kathryn - 13/8/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11364

You deserved it

40974

Favorite

By Laila - 20/2/2013 12:01 - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39430

You deserved it

5199

Favorite

By fartz - 31/8/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48408

You deserved it

8071

Favorite

By nokeys - 2/4/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20721

You deserved it

58952

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/2/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30933

You deserved it

3609

Favorite

By explosiveBAM - 26/5/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11025

You deserved it

55915

Favorite

By NotHappyJan - 3/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2593

You deserved it

1899

Favorite

By APetsPet - 5/10/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54307

You deserved it

4417

Favorite

By Jessie - 25/12/2010 13:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47467

You deserved it

9498

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44168

You deserved it

5691

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51458

You deserved it

8476

Favorite

By bellaellaella - 22/9/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43055

You deserved it

3992

Favorite

By maf811 - 7/11/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37896

You deserved it

2778

Favorite

By JennaMarie - 26/7/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47243

You deserved it

17721

Favorite

By Skyler - 24/4/2013 19:14 - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62150

You deserved it

14255

Favorite

By ewww - 30/7/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40610

You deserved it

4002

Favorite

By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2288

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49479

You deserved it

3965

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25836

You deserved it

9599

Favorite

By misc - 8/2/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20442

You deserved it

51087

Favorite

By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3436

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By SayCheese - 2/4/2013 22:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25932

You deserved it

72104

Favorite

By Alana - 1/1/2011 05:27 - Australia

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27596

You deserved it

3577

Favorite

By lucy_g - 2/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45024

You deserved it

7269

Favorite

By Jakesssss - 10/4/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29192

You deserved it

10757

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2015 21:42 - United States - Utica

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26026

You deserved it

2694

Favorite

By ugly - 26/6/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41873

You deserved it

4430

Favorite

By LovedByFamily - 8/10/2012 15:08 - Germany - K?ln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34339

You deserved it

2275

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/6/2019 22:00

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By immaturity all around - 31/3/2013 17:55 - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39675

You deserved it

6945

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2015 05:12 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32860

You deserved it

11167

Favorite

By dBLIZZARD - 5/11/2015 03:32 - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23645

You deserved it

2846

Favorite

By Evil_Angel_90 - 10/9/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42913

You deserved it

6218

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/2/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33368

You deserved it

6358

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By littlec_fml | 0

#37950 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:18

no the ice is for that burn she just gave you

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#4337 - Friday 20 February 2009 9:52

i laughed out loud for that one hehe.

COMMENTS

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#3964 - Thursday 19 February 2009 17:37

That nurse has a PhD in ZINGOLOGY! ZING ZANG ZONG.

By MOOKIEizlykDAMN | 0

#4089 - Thursday 19 February 2009 23:18

poorbaby

By whattheeff | 0

#4173 - Friday 20 February 2009 1:48

[email protected]#3. thats really horrible though. :/

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6146454 - Wednesday 17 December 2014 3:34

There is no #3... are you blind!?

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#4337 - Friday 20 February 2009 9:52

i laughed out loud for that one hehe.

By Lucicx0 | 0

#4697 - Saturday 21 February 2009 3:09

hahaha cant stop laughing...sorry :(

By xxamanda | 0

#10460 - Monday 2 March 2009 2:03

AHAHAHA iknow this was hilariouss... but i was completely shocked when she said it to me hahaha.

& #10! thats true she is a school nurse... lmao

By HOLLAcaust | 0

#19529 - Saturday 7 March 2009 9:25

Well? What DID happen to your face?
;D

By NeverBAckDown_fml | 0

#28467 - Thursday 12 March 2009 19:15

roflmao!!!!

By littlec_fml | 0

#37950 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:18

no the ice is for that burn she just gave you

Perversive | 0

#728617 - Sunday 20 December 2009 18:04

I agree :D.

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#83607 - Sunday 5 April 2009 5:27

OMG hahahaha!!
She was defineatly saving that line.
Don't feel bad, she was probably joking.
I say stuff like that all the time, though i'm not a nurse