Miscellaneous: Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms,... - FML

By SkinsCastSelection - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

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There's no helping some people

Big lad

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

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By Casey - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

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By honeybunny90 - United States - Richmond

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

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By HumanNature - Canada

Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

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By sal - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

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By sadday - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

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By FastFoodWaiter - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

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By fird

Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML

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By Ben - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

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By Interview tragedy - United States

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

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By Nope - China

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

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By NaCl - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

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By izoliv - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

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By fuckstudentloans - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

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By chicochico - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

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By uppiskalle - United States - Riverside

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 14:01

What are you most angry about?

Today, my husband got fired from his government-mandated "volunteer" work due to a sexual harassment complaint he filed. He's morbidly obese and still gets more attention in the years we've been together than my whole life. FML

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By susan - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

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By Cait - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By Meh - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

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By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Dog whisperer

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

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By Why me. - United States - Kent

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

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By sadf4x0r - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

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By fr1day - Australia

Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I catch the train and I am forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumps off one stop before mine. A little old lady jumps on so I shuffle over so she can sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train i notice my pants are wet with smelly dude's piss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, during a meeting with my boss, she explained she's giving me one more chance before she has to fire me. Her reason? I accidentally ordered chicken on a salad last week for a meeting and she feels my performance has gone down the tubes. FML

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By merkris - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

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By tmac - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

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By Yippie - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

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By Tabby Rosas - 21/2/2021 21:30

Slid right out

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

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Top comments

By iburppeopleup | 0

#1979394 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:18

wow why would your mom even KNOW that?

By Kesler_17 | 0

#1979379 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:13

That is horrifying. Parents seem to lose all social skill when it comes to their children's lives.

COMMENTS

By vanilla2u | 5

#1979353 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Bobissmall | 13

#1979478 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:39

But did the other students know? Thats whats anoying me.

Reply

ReDsKiNsMaN | 0

#1980715 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 6:38

bob proble her friends... if she has any

Reply

FuckOurLivesFOL_fml | 0

#2690126 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 23:36

Justin bieber can't orgasm dumb @ss

Reply

angelabaybey | 0

#2738474 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 22:46

I think she meant Justin Bieber sounds like an animal in a blender naturally, "dumb @ss"

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#5407801 - Saturday 16 March 2013 13:34

this comment and all its responses are fucking retarded

By hcovballer247 | 0

#1979355 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:10

Lmfao..sucks to be you

Reply

gr3ymask | 0

#1982743 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 17:33

ur a dude?

By Hiznacious | 0

#1979359 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:10

i look at my vagina alot too

Reply

himom12 | 0

#1979429 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:30

lmmfaaoo

Reply

LightningLadyy | 0

#1979446 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:33

You look like the kind of girl that would do that...

Reply

himom12 | 0

#1979523 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:50

yeahh Sarah?

Reply

ACanadaGuy | 0

#1979540 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:54

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

ahhitsjessi88 | 0

#1980156 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

jewban | 3

#1980418 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 4:39

66- derp

Reply

tona01 | 16

#1980576 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 5:41

66 how perseptive...

Reply

SulfurPlague | 0

#1980785 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 7:04

win!

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1982435 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:01

haha.lmfao.you LEGIT made my lifeeee:D

Reply

gopherguy | 0

#1987035 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 22:52

Billy Mays is dead

Reply

catscogggy | 0

#2004419 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 1:30

lmaoo.

Reply

sma405 | 2

#2398400 - Sunday 24 April 2011 16:39

YOUR A DUDE!!!!!

Reply

apppiiee | 5

#2942015 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:12

You're..

By taoxyeuxmay | 4

#1979370 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:12

The horror! FYL indeed

By Kesler_17 | 0

#1979379 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:13

That is horrifying. Parents seem to lose all social skill when it comes to their children's lives.

Reply

maddehsaurr | 0

#1984037 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 5:12

I <3 nsn (:

By InBetweenDreams | 0

#1979383 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:16

That is so embarrassing. :/ Your mom needs a filter.

By iburppeopleup | 0

#1979394 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:18

wow why would your mom even KNOW that?

Reply

rockinroyalty | 0

#1979817 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:23

I was thinking the same thing

Reply

brandddi69 | 0

#1980281 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:55

OMG haha exactly

Reply

Mokiikom_fml | 8

#1980932 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:14

She might have made it up just to give an example that the class could relate to. It would be a dumb idea, but I could see it happening.

Or maybe the mom walked in on the daughter once by accident.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#1981296 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:54

Or maybe the mom suggested that the daughter do it and just assumes that she did.

By Doortje | 29

#1979404 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:20

Stop walking around naked with a mirror in your hand.

Reply

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1979955 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:01

or walking around naked with a mirror in her vagina :D

Reply

jpest17 | 5

#1982145 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 14:34

loled so hard.

By geepc | 3

#1979411 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:22

aww that's awful

By Jakojan | 4

#1979414 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:23

Shoot her and everyone who heard. Move. Change your name and identity. Get a sex change. Move in with a new family in a new home in a new country. Problem solved. Embarrassment avoided.

Reply

dayleno | 1

#1979773 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:08

This person knows what's up.

Reply

heathhawksrock | 0

#1980129 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:11

lol I like that idea

Reply

sparta98 | 4

#1980204 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:33

I knew someone here had to get the reference!

Reply

mc1993 | 0

#1980907 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:01

what a fantastically brilliant idea.

Reply

aford15 | 1

#1982117 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 14:20

smart kid.

Reply

DrillTech | 0

#1982472 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:09

Seems a bit drastic...