Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms,... - FML

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

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KoBabe

Mr Sensitivity

Grow up

By nick - 24/12/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

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By Anon - 17/2/2012 20:43 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

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By notmyfault - 14/1/2016 22:21 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

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By ss - 6/9/2011 13:17 - Australia

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

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By Vincent - 2/1/2014 05:04 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

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By Rach - 8/6/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

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By CptZoe - 29/2/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 03:57 - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By almost_a_pro - 23/4/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 13:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

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By tcm123 - 29/10/2012 04:31 - United States - Champaign

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2013 23:03 - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

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By Softball - 8/7/2015 13:58 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

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By mcd - 5/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Rat Race

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

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By strawberry - 17/11/2015 17:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

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By Why Charlie!? WHY!? - 9/8/2018 13:00

Today, I woke up seeing my neighbor's 5-year-old daughter next to me. She said good morning and handed me a note from her dad saying that I owe him and he's cashing in. So, I'm babysitting as her parents escape to the Bahamas for 2 weeks. My annual 2 weeks vacation starts today too. FML

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By buses suck - 15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

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By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Break up

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

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By Ugly - 8/3/2017 04:00 - Netherlands

Tough Love

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

The Gush

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

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By kellthryn - 17/3/2020 23:00

Stop! Thief!

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

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By Alice - 30/8/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

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By bride - 27/3/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

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By inpain - 17/3/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

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By Donnie - 18/7/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 12:11 - United States - Brevard

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

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By monogamous - 28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

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By CapitolSouthSux - 19/9/2013 12:54 - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

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By Norwegian - 2/6/2012 16:55 - Norway

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

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By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

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By fuck Star Wars! - 31/5/2020 08:00

In a galaxy far, far away

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument. I suggested we have a movie night. He suggested an all day/night Star Wars marathon. I’d be OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve done that at least five times in the last two months. He says I’m the one being unfair. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 02:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

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By Liz - 9/4/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 07:17 - United States

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

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By Levi2411 - 21/11/2018 17:30

Today, I jokingly told my mother to "go fall down a hole" during a mock argument we always have. Not even 10 minutes later, our basement stairs gave out. When I said that, I didn't want her to break both her arms or to actually fall into a gaping hole. FML

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By Idiocracy - 24/4/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

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By wedding leper - 23/1/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

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By FMyJob - 6/11/2015 23:59 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, despite having my 5-day-leave approved 2 months ago, my boss demanded I return to work in the middle of it. Why? She wants to go on a vacation and no one else is available at such short notice. FML

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Top comments

By iburppeopleup | 0

#1979394 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:18

wow why would your mom even KNOW that?

By Kesler_17 | 0

#1979379 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:13

That is horrifying. Parents seem to lose all social skill when it comes to their children's lives.

COMMENTS

By vanilla2u | 5

#1979353 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Bobissmall | 13

#1979478 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:39

But did the other students know? Thats whats anoying me.

Reply

ReDsKiNsMaN | 0

#1980715 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 6:38

bob proble her friends... if she has any

Reply

FuckOurLivesFOL_fml | 0

#2690126 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 23:36

Justin bieber can't orgasm dumb @ss

Reply

angelabaybey | 0

#2738474 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 22:46

I think she meant Justin Bieber sounds like an animal in a blender naturally, "dumb @ss"

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#5407801 - Saturday 16 March 2013 13:34

this comment and all its responses are fucking retarded

By hcovballer247 | 0

#1979355 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:10

Lmfao..sucks to be you

Reply

gr3ymask | 0

#1982743 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 17:33

ur a dude?

By Hiznacious | 0

#1979359 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:10

i look at my vagina alot too

Reply

himom12 | 0

#1979429 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:30

lmmfaaoo

Reply

LightningLadyy | 0

#1979446 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:33

You look like the kind of girl that would do that...

Reply

himom12 | 0

#1979523 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:50

yeahh Sarah?

Reply

ACanadaGuy | 0

#1979540 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:54

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

ahhitsjessi88 | 0

#1980156 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jewban | 3

#1980418 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 4:39

66- derp

Reply

tona01 | 16

#1980576 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 5:41

66 how perseptive...

Reply

SulfurPlague | 0

#1980785 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 7:04

win!

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1982435 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:01

haha.lmfao.you LEGIT made my lifeeee:D

Reply

gopherguy | 0

#1987035 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 22:52

Billy Mays is dead

Reply

#2004419 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 1:30

lmaoo.

Reply

sma405 | 2

#2398400 - Sunday 24 April 2011 16:39

YOUR A DUDE!!!!!

Reply

apppiiee | 5

#2942015 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:12

You're..

By taoxyeuxmay | 4

#1979370 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:12

The horror! FYL indeed

By Kesler_17 | 0

#1979379 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:13

That is horrifying. Parents seem to lose all social skill when it comes to their children's lives.

Reply

maddehsaurr | 0

#1984037 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 5:12

I <3 nsn (:

By InBetweenDreams | 0

#1979383 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:16

That is so embarrassing. :/ Your mom needs a filter.

By iburppeopleup | 0

#1979394 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:18

wow why would your mom even KNOW that?

Reply

rockinroyalty | 0

#1979817 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:23

I was thinking the same thing

Reply

brandddi69 | 0

#1980281 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:55

OMG haha exactly

Reply

Mokiikom_fml | 8

#1980932 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:14

She might have made it up just to give an example that the class could relate to. It would be a dumb idea, but I could see it happening.

Or maybe the mom walked in on the daughter once by accident.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#1981296 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:54

Or maybe the mom suggested that the daughter do it and just assumes that she did.

By Doortje | 28

#1979404 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:20

Stop walking around naked with a mirror in your hand.

Reply

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1979955 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:01

or walking around naked with a mirror in her vagina :D

Reply

jpest17 | 5

#1982145 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 14:34

loled so hard.

By geepc | 3

#1979411 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:22

aww that's awful

By Jakojan | 4

#1979414 - Monday 17 January 2011 23:23

Shoot her and everyone who heard. Move. Change your name and identity. Get a sex change. Move in with a new family in a new home in a new country. Problem solved. Embarrassment avoided.

Reply

dayleno | 1

#1979773 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:08

This person knows what's up.

Reply

heathhawksrock | 0

#1980129 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:11

lol I like that idea

Reply

sparta98 | 4

#1980204 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:33

I knew someone here had to get the reference!

Reply

mc1993 | 0

#1980907 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:01

what a fantastically brilliant idea.

Reply

aford15 | 1

#1982117 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 14:20

smart kid.

Reply

DrillTech | 0

#1982472 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:09

Seems a bit drastic...