Work: Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping...

By Shameonme - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

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21554

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Work

Triage

Casual something

Selfish tit

By fuck - United States - Hubert

Caught

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

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By Oops - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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By punaise ... - France - Marchaux

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

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By bear food - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 05:05

Life decisions

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her 2 spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1434

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By Distracted - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

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By chuffberry - United States - Raleigh

Today, I finally saw a dermatologist due to my unusually severe acne. Now I know I actually have a rare disorder that makes me allergic to my own acne. FML

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21881

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By MB101 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James' "Super Freak" to me. FML

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20174

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By Whoops - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

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By allyshah - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By Can’t Cope

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

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5437

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505

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By CA19oo - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

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By inconnue - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

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43497

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By lonelygirl - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

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15020

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By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

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26718

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By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

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29804

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By Joe - Canada

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

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23207

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Going swimmingly

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

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376

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By leafscupwin - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

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10046

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By snarly1 - United States

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

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32753

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By jaleesadavis21 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

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27929

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By wtf_fml_0609 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

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12520

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By trappedinmyownhome

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

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28413

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By weddingblues - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

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40492

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By Decibell - 18/4/2020 05:00

Round and round

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

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1438

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By what the FUCK - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

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38019

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By poopooppachuu - United States

Get it now?

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

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36856

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By david - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

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14131

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By Sammy - United States

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

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24925

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By TKDConnor92 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

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31587

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By picasso - United States

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

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29930

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By jlmbull - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

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27999

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By a chick in California - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

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35094

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

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50955

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 23:01

Running late

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

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1559

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By lulupie

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

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14969

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By Anonymous - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

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35853

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Ratatouille

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

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Top comments

By jennaleighhh | 0

#19678 - Saturday 7 March 2009 14:07

why were you sleeping at a "very important meeting"? you silly, silly person.

By Saluton | 18

#191872 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:25

Well, Bruce Wayne slept at meetings too.

COMMENTS

By pezadora420 | 0

#3858 - Thursday 19 February 2009 7:06

hahaha niiiicceee.

By jennaleighhh | 0

#19678 - Saturday 7 March 2009 14:07

why were you sleeping at a "very important meeting"? you silly, silly person.

Boomi | 38

#6688492 - Tuesday 13 September 2016 5:58

Guess they didn't get enough sleep.

By Saluton | 18

#191872 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:25

Well, Bruce Wayne slept at meetings too.

billyz77 | 24

#5313026 - Monday 7 January 2013 17:35

Yeah, and look what happened to him. He lost Wayne Industries.

By AnneFTW | 17

#203629 - Saturday 16 May 2009 18:13

YDI for falling asleep..

Ohnothingreally | 0

#608287 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:16

She could have been sleepy.
People's body systems are different.
Some people need more sleep than others.
Be understanding.

schrodingersdog | 4

#3586945 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 0:01

That's what caffeine is for

willumkongo | 11

#6469859 - Wednesday 25 November 2015 8:06

some people like me don't get affected by caffeine.

By Madman85 | 0

#211107 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:29

Wow, brilliant. I choked on my gum while reading this. If it's any consolation, I'm at work.

By CrazyTheRaver | 0

#216710 - Thursday 21 May 2009 7:38

I agree with #1...

Gotta spice things up!

By popoman | 0

#424635 - Friday 24 July 2009 11:43

I hope you got fired.

By sanahk | 0

#427789 - Saturday 25 July 2009 17:00

bach t3allam! lol

By railfan_fml | 0

#539719 - Saturday 5 September 2009 0:06

just have some coffee before you leave.

By RatIsKing | 0

#622200 - Thursday 15 October 2009 19:48

"well be right back after these messages from binford tools!"