Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to...

By involuntary waxing - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

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Intimacy

Let's go girls!

Thanks Felicia

Mystery message service

By thatonesilentkidinclass - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

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By ChaosFerret - United States - Eugene

Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML

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By "The Cat Tickler"

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Poquoson

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

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By headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

A good shower

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

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Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

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By shit's weak - United States

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML

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By LifeInShambles

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

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By charliemann_ - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

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By asshalf15 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

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By Peter C. - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By Lililaloose - France

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fremont

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

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By Oze - United States

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

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By apparentfatty - Canada

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

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By FUSheldon - United States - Millstadt

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

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By psh_idontbite - United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

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By ihatemondays - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

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By Marco

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

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By Ananimus - United States - Peekskill

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

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By jazojigga - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

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By Lonely

Today, I sent a question in a newspaper self-help column about how I often feel ignored. I quickly received a note advising me to not feel ignored, but due to the volume of questions, I would likely not receive a response. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

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By -_-" - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

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By Anonymous

Noise annoys

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

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By ThanksForTheWarningDad - United States - Wood River

Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML

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By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

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By flipflap

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

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By spadesmollusques - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

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By dharp7 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Her exact words used were "I like the idea of you, but I don't like you." I still don't know what that means. FML

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By xharmonyx - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

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By mmv - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

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By ohgosh1428

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

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Top comments

By cartmen73 | 0

#3887920 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:39

Yikes! Don't get glued to a partner!

By ICATiger | 13

#3887950 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:44

That's a sticky situation

COMMENTS

By cartmen73 | 0

#3887920 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:39

Yikes! Don't get glued to a partner!

OhHushDear | 11

#3888012 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:12

^^ That's disgusting.

shanemaximo | 7

#3888068 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:23

They have gorilla glue. Bottle it and sell it, maybe as...clam glue?

attaboy368 | 20

#3888200 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:05

gross but totally funny~

skyguy89 | 0

#3888310 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:35

There once was a young couple named Kelly, who now live belly to belly, because in there hast, they used library paste, instead of petroleum jelly.

ravingroadkill | 11

#3888599 - Sunday 15 January 2012 19:56

That's unusual? Oh crap...

Capt_Awesome137 | 0

#3888798 - Sunday 15 January 2012 21:03

1-maybe thats the plan...

43trauts | 14

#3891320 - Monday 16 January 2012 6:03

Just imagine if a guy was inside of her during these secretions. His penis would be glued to the inside of her vaginal wall! Penis captivus anyone?

TimeDisposalEngi | 14

#3891356 - Monday 16 January 2012 6:16

48 ahahahahaha win

Jonkbaby | 19

#3892594 - Monday 16 January 2012 12:00

op I hope you is girl or else this be really unusual

MissMae93 | 23

#3892902 - Monday 16 January 2012 14:20

119 - "You is girl"? I believe what you're attempt at a comment should say is "you are a girl." Grammar is your friend, you should use it every now and again.

greatness101 | 0

#3893245 - Monday 16 January 2012 15:47

Wow, 121. You should listen to your own advice. Makes you look real stupid when you make the same grammatical, punctual, and spelling errors.

GoLincecum | 3

#3894211 - Monday 16 January 2012 19:28

121, Don't bitch at someone for grammatical errors, when you completely fucked up that sentence.

rocklare18 | 7

#3896728 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:26

She'd be walk around with her bf like that condom commercial

mattmadden | 0

#3900029 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 23:50

121- your not you're. I "believe" the tables are turned friend. (mysterious laughter)

By witchdoctor1 | 9

#3887923 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:40

Uhhh. I don't wanna know what kinda meds would cause THAT. Sounds worse than what you may have (whatever that maybe. I don't know)

attaboy368 | 20

#3888208 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:07

yeah I was wondering what the heck she was taking and what the heck for too...gross and weird and I hope it isn't contagious!

missamazinggg | 12

#3889768 - Monday 16 January 2012 1:12

Because you can get it through the Internet

NuTrees | 9

#3891399 - Monday 16 January 2012 6:31

That is horrifying! Eh to have a glue like substance ooze out of your vagina and stick your underwear to your skin. Ehk what man made medicine can do to the body.