Miscellaneous: Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set... - FML

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 021

You deserved it 11 365

Dysfunctional

Mother of the year

Roommates from hell

By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 027

You deserved it 3 793

By David - 01/09/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 313

You deserved it 10 079

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 140

You deserved it 41 989

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 373

You deserved it 12 009

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 940

You deserved it 71 642

By the boogieman mom - 27/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 246

By fmylifechelsea - 27/04/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 19 494

By Anonymous - 06/08/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 663

You deserved it 15 226

By americanbln - 01/08/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. His sister and I filled the air vents in his car with confetti so when he starts the car, it would blow all over him. In the process we lost the keys. The keys cost $200 to replace. Happy Birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 935

You deserved it 38 630

The smell detective is on the case

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 170

By Clive81 - 17/02/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 270

You deserved it 10 229

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 921

You deserved it 4 248

By mustanggt - 02/10/2017 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 962

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Spicy

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 008

You deserved it 38 703

By Danicole927 - 28/12/2016 03:53 - United States - Trenton

Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 905

You deserved it 733

By Mars - 29/04/2009 09:40 - United States

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 914

You deserved it 5 001

By Anonymous - 25/12/2015 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 937

You deserved it 1 413

By FrustratedTutor - 04/02/2015 03:39 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 2 810

By photogirl - 30/08/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 113

You deserved it 7 406

Nice guy vibes

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 20:00 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a girl I've been casually seeing just gave me the, "You're a great guy, but I'm not ready for a relationship" speech. A few hours later, I see a video in a group chat of her making out and laughing with another guy, while my other friends just watched and laughed. I'm just done trying, why am I always getting shit on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 267

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 889

You deserved it 2 966

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 413

You deserved it 7 317

Hit and miss

By Jane. R - 16/06/2021 20:00

Today, a guy was hitting on me when I was at a café. I told him I was married, but it didn't deter him, so I told him to go away. Later, my husband came home from work with his boss for dinner and sure enough, it was the same guy who was hitting on me. Suffice to say, it was one awkward dinner night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 43

By ShakeRattleHiss - 20/04/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 126

You deserved it 4 717

By fuck off, eh! - 07/03/2014 21:25 - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 349

You deserved it 5 081

By Gob - 16/01/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 803

You deserved it 42 558

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 730

You deserved it 35 344

By ewwgross - 20/05/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 119

You deserved it 3 639

By ThatsNotRight - 26/01/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 762

You deserved it 4 407

The money is still yours

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 14:01

Today, after I took extra shifts to be able take the woman I loved out for special weekend, she dumped me and now I'm working extra shift for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 102

By tessamarque - 05/04/2012 15:07 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 4 475

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 19:23 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 3 406

By CUCKOO - 26/10/2013 21:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 289

You deserved it 5 025

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 110

The Hulk

By anonymous - 03/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my $1000 anger management course had no effect on me when I smashed a picture frame. Why? I had run out of toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 1 617

By SadAndAlone - 03/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Spicy

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 1 964

By NorwegianMadman - 22/12/2016 11:55

Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 632

You deserved it 468

By jesus fuck - 19/12/2018 13:30

Today, I got my 1 year old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 011

You deserved it 494

By novaguy - 24/02/2015 16:15 - United States

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 2 524

Smells like victory

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 338

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:01

Guessing that was the programmer intentionally trolling from afar

tanekdrachonae 19

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:05

You've got to be more careful with your porn viewing. You sound click happy.

Comments

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:01

Guessing that was the programmer intentionally trolling from afar

minesbiggerr 25

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Saturday 14 December 2013 17:15

Next time us control shift N you can go into incognito mode no history or saved sites only have to click out of the browser

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Saturday 14 December 2013 23:39

I'm kinda disappointed with the comments on this FML...

negb 30

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Sunday 15 December 2013 17:27

I don't see the big deal...he can reset his home page. Not like he shared it on Facebook.

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Sunday 15 December 2013 20:14

lol @69 your comment number says it all. anyway, he probably didn't realize he set it as his homepage until it was to late.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:01

That might have caused some trouble o.o

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:11

Thank you captain obvious. This isn't FML or anything. -.-

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:19

Well that wasn't very nice.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:19

It isn't?!? Shit, I'm in the wrong town then.

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Sunday 15 December 2013 1:03

How so? All I'm saying is that the button placement could cause some trouble. Like you think you set a homepage and it doesn't.

arandomusernameaa 20

Sunday 15 December 2013 1:15

Pretty sure he didn't want to set a page as his homepage... More like he wanted to delete his browsing history and set an inappropriate site as him homepage...

hannahsnyder69 16

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:01

It all matters who uses that computer next

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Saturday 14 December 2013 17:45

I mean op CAN change it back.

RoseBlack123 37

Saturday 14 December 2013 16:02

There's not enough information to show whether or not it's the kind of program where you can get your stuff back. Still, FYL, I've had that happen to me before too

Derpet 18

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:08

He's talking about a web browser and accidentally changing the start page to something inappropriate, which he probably discovered after someone else had used the browser.

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Sunday 15 December 2013 2:17

You read it wrong. He/she set porn as their homepage instead of deleting it from the search history like they were trying to do.

minesbiggerr 25

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Sunday 15 December 2013 3:01

#61 YOU read it wrong it never said porn or the actual website for that matter.

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Sunday 15 December 2013 19:52

You can issue that he was watching porn, it isn't complicated. If you were looking up types of dogs for example, you wouldn't delete your history, what's the point of that.

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Sunday 15 December 2013 19:54

Assume

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Monday 16 December 2013 0:48

Its obviously something he wanted removed from the history, doesn't matter if its a MLP wiki or porn, he didn't want anyone to know he was there. And then it was his homepage.

Josie Stiger 10

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Friday 9 February 2018 21:27

you got it backwards, he was trying to delete something and set it to the home page.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:02

"Amusement park next to the sewage system" - God (the original troller)

happle 21

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:49

Or maybe the land owners?

evilplatypus 38

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Saturday 14 December 2013 17:21

For those of you who don't realize, that's the punch line to an old joke referring to how people's "amusement parks" (genitals) are next to/part of the "sewage system" (anus, urethra, what have you).

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:04

Well your best bet is to probably set a password on your computer now

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 14 December 2013 21:07

Or go to google and set that as the new homepage, then clear history.

tanekdrachonae 19

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:05

You've got to be more careful with your porn viewing. You sound click happy.

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Saturday 14 December 2013 18:46

I don't see why people don't just use private browsing or incognito windows..

SarahFuckingMae 8

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Saturday 14 December 2013 22:51

I don't see why people bother clearing their history after they watch porn. If someone went on MY computer and went through my history and got mad at me for watching porn, that'd be fucked up.

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

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Sunday 15 December 2013 4:36

53- I don't think people'd worry about others getting mad at them. I think they worry about people finding out what kind of sick fucks they are.

pwnman 33

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:09

But now you can set another website as your homepage

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:10

Two different possibilities. 1) Selected set as homepage on a site on accident and someone saw. 2) Accidentally cleared your history when trying to save a site. Sucks either way. Although I think number one isn't one I'd rather have happen.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 23:58

A third could be that he found that the homepage was changed to something he'd rather not see and the person explained they meant to clear history.

Fitzinator1995 13

Saturday 14 December 2013 16:13

Wonder what kind of stuff you were watching...

13ky13 20

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:23

Japanese tentacle porn, obviously.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:28

Brazilian fart porn.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 16:44

Animal porn.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 17:52

16- and how do you know that exists?

Dawnstempest 17

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Saturday 14 December 2013 18:09

@27 Because of rule 34.

littlekellilee 45

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Saturday 14 December 2013 19:03

Elderly lesbian porn.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 19:13

Barney.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 19:24

Santa porn

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 14 December 2013 21:09

Santa porn is great for this time of year, so festive.

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Monday 16 December 2013 1:27

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khwjD-KVQ_Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 102

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 37