Work: Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up... - FML

By helen

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Instadrama

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

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By Dandruff - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By hotmommy

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

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By Piggirl

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

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By rise - 8/5/2021 10:59

Painful

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

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By daddyrobyn - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

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By 12incher - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

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By ...loud noises...urgh... - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

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By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

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By like - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

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By rejectedprobably - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

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By bruh

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Silver Spring

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

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By Anonymous

Happy Feet

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

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By SarahNB - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

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By skyllabeauty1234 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 23:01

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

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By Brayden - Australia - Crib Point

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

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By smooth - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

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By notadoorman - United States - Elmont

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

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By moe - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

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By xxx - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

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By lonergirl - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

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By epicfailureismyl

Barf

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Bodyshaming

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

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By FistFighter - United States

Night fight

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

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By exiledliscense - United States

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

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By sinceresally

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

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By gabess - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

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By yerface - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

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By HarryBeast - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

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By jessiethebestie - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

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By trice - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

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Top comments

By marinus_fml | 19

#2488032 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

By xmayne | 0

#2488078 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

COMMENTS

By marinus_fml | 19

#2488032 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

Reply

xmayne | 0

#2488078 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

Reply

Bassmasterclassi | 2

#2488284 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:15

I think the thumbs up needs to make a come back, along with chest bumps and behind the back low double five.

Reply

UnicornHooker | 0

#2488367 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:55

Well, 28, I'm currently trying to revive the infamous Jack and Karen tummy-bump from Will and Grace. I feel it's catching on.

There is hope for the abandoned gestures of the nineties!

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2488395 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

I give the computer a pat on the back and $20 for taxi, once I finish having a wank

Reply

Tsunami87 | 17

#2488397 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

thumbs are cool

Reply

nebula748 | 14

#2488572 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:19

34, that made me lol

Reply

fmlwmty | 0

#2490372 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:18

no I did it too

By massnerder420 | 4

#2488036 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

Wtf?

Reply

afdude87 | 6

#2488223 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:41

yeah, that's the first thing that I thought.

Reply

#2488958 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 16:34

Clearly he spends too much time on Facebook...

By badbe | 0

#2488039 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

I don't think you have to worry if it's seeing something cool while working...

Reply

DreaminOfMusic | 0

#2488371 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:56

what a loser!

Reply

Every1luvsfmls | 6

#2490406 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:23

what a loser!

By angel55033 | 12

#2488044 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

at least you don't talk to yourself which I mean is okay as long as you don't start answering yourself

Reply

UnicornHooker | 0

#2488405 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:09

Oh Christ, my mother does that.
I hope I don't inherit that "quirk", she's already given me her bipolar disorder and horrible nose.

By Omegadolly | 22

#2488050 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:03

Looks like it's time to step outside for a little while...

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2488063 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

Depends how many cool things are you seeing daily..

Reply

sugarycupcake | 0

#2496430 - Thursday 12 May 2011 3:46

hahahhaahaha I laugh at u OP

By Pownzeez | 0

#2488066 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

just say u were skyping someone lol

Reply

nebula748 | 14

#2488577 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:22

At work? That's worse than being weird.

By BieberLilly6 | 0

#2488081 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

how manny times do u do it lol

By xoCOURTNIEox | 0

#2488091 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:08

awesome possum :)

Reply

loganG16 | 0

#2488750 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 15:02

I wish!

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#2489777 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 21:13

Fried

By UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#2488103 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:09

And what do you do if you something uncool? Thumbs down?

Reply

UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#2488116 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:10

*see

Reply

iLazy | 0

#2488148 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:15

*saw

Reply

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2488443 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:32

*observed

Reply

Troll_Doll | 0

#2488611 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:48

*look at

Reply

plebeianFelix | 5

#2488687 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:02

*encounter

Reply

shoopd | 19

#2488730 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:48

I fuckin LOOOOOOOVVEEE seesaws!!