Work: Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up... - FML

By helen - 10/05/2011 03:44

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 468

You deserved it 26 679

Hiding from the drama

Wake up call

Rude awakening

Weak

By Heavybreather - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 1 102

Fragile

By Stigmamma - 15/08/2020 20:02

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 198

By anon - 25/07/2013 04:44 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 112

You deserved it 4 986

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 460

By whiskey'swino - 09/06/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 234

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 413

You deserved it 3 856

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 82

By badadvise - 23/03/2012 04:05 - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 2 572

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 733

By pharmn00b - 08/07/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 851

You deserved it 39 131

By stalkered - 22/07/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 019

You deserved it 3 085

By pheonixxe - 01/06/2015 22:45 - United States - Sheridan

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 8 221

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 05:12 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 046

You deserved it 2 721

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 750

You deserved it 31 194

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 882

You deserved it 5 722

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 01:59 - Canada

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 2 695

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 240

By clarakipper - 25/09/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 491

You deserved it 2 713

Your cooking, dude

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 20:00

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 641

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 01:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 170

You deserved it 5 363

By crashingdown - 29/05/2010 05:28 - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 032

You deserved it 14 561

By Joe - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 336

You deserved it 4 133

By I shaved my legs for this - 02/08/2018 01:30

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 180

You deserved it 306

By da man - 11/02/2009 11:38 - Canada

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 465

You deserved it 17 368

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 607

You deserved it 3 757

By julie - 12/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 022

You deserved it 42 430

By yourfault - 02/09/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 727

You deserved it 6 755

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 475

You deserved it 5 405

Can't win

By Billie - 04/02/2021 00:01 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 211

By ge fu yo twa - 25/06/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 248

Indeed they do

By Sonotsuave - 04/03/2019 08:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 212

Fellas, is it gay to drink Mountain Dew?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 373

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 878

You deserved it 36 425

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 3 698

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 443

You deserved it 29 658

By tal - 22/08/2012 09:57 - France

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 263

You deserved it 3 826

Just a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 02:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I've been told that the test I have tomorrow, which I've been studying for, is not on 'Parent and Child Relationships' but on 'Scotland's Fishing Communities'. My brother thought it would be funny to hide the real booklet, and make up his own one for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 266

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 999

You deserved it 23 160

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 581

You deserved it 2 649

By koolkat9 - 22/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 953

You deserved it 3 280

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Top comments

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

Comments

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

Bassmasterclassi 2

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:15

I think the thumbs up needs to make a come back, along with chest bumps and behind the back low double five.

UnicornHooker 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:55

Well, 28, I'm currently trying to revive the infamous Jack and Karen tummy-bump from Will and Grace. I feel it's catching on. There is hope for the abandoned gestures of the nineties!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

I give the computer a pat on the back and $20 for taxi, once I finish having a wank

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

thumbs are cool

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:19

34, that made me lol

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:18

no I did it too

massnerder420 4

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

Wtf?

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:41

yeah, that's the first thing that I thought.

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 16:34

Clearly he spends too much time on Facebook...

badbe 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

I don't think you have to worry if it's seeing something cool while working...

DreaminOfMusic 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:56

what a loser!

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:23

what a loser!

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

at least you don't talk to yourself which I mean is okay as long as you don't start answering yourself

UnicornHooker 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:09

Oh Christ, my mother does that. I hope I don't inherit that "quirk", she's already given me her bipolar disorder and horrible nose.

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:03

Looks like it's time to step outside for a little while...

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

Depends how many cool things are you seeing daily..

sugarycupcake 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 3:46

hahahhaahaha I laugh at u OP

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

just say u were skyping someone lol

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:22

At work? That's worse than being weird.

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

how manny times do u do it lol

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:08

awesome possum :)

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 15:02

I wish!

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 21:13

Fried

UnknwnClassicGrl 5

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:09

And what do you do if you something uncool? Thumbs down?

UnknwnClassicGrl 5

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:10

*see

iLazy 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:15

*saw

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:32

*observed

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:48

*look at

plebeianFelix 5

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:02

*encounter

shoopd 19

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:48

I fuckin LOOOOOOOVVEEE seesaws!!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 63

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 214