Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up... - FML

By helen - 10/5/2011 03:44

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

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Family values

Dangling modifier

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By blinded - 5/7/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

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By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Christmas is canceled

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

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By nali1122 - 22/10/2019 12:00

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 23:15

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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By Azure_Mist - 27/1/2011 22:53 - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

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By Misskittygal14 - 16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By EFFED4LIFE - 11/3/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

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By Moon-chan - 30/6/2019 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

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By Magilla - 16/2/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

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By oops... - 12/9/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

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By dumpedtaco - 18/2/2018 19:00

Today, as I was planning my impending nuptials with my fiancé, my sister jokingly told him it's not too late to call it off. He took her seriously and bailed. He won’t answer my calls. FML

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By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

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By Chensticles - 14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

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By TheSneakyNugget - 24/4/2016 15:18 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

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By MonsterProblems - 7/1/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

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By sucker - 26/9/2012 17:07 - United States - Milton

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

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By DocKreso - 28/6/2013 21:59 - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

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By harshdoobie - 18/1/2012 15:18 - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

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By bbbbb - 14/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

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By liilii - 30/8/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2018 15:00

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

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By cunning glassist - 8/3/2014 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 07:58 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

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By icantdrive - 19/3/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

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By Patrick - 27/1/2010 11:55 - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

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By DoggyBlues - 29/11/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

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By Sittinginthecorner - 20/1/2016 05:42 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML

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By spitball101 - 12/1/2014 05:26 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

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By nakedness - 11/12/2011 01:35 - Australia

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

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By Rach - 8/6/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

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By nottananny - 21/7/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

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By anonymous - 27/12/2011 22:32 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 14:35 - United Kingdom

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttle cock that hit me in the eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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By Beva - 17/1/2013 05:03 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

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By Really - 10/6/2015 01:59 - United States - Middletown

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

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By Omar Khalaf - 28/9/2017 01:30

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 19:53 - United States - New Albany

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

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Top comments

By marinus_fml | 19

#2488032 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

By xmayne | 0

#2488078 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

COMMENTS

By marinus_fml | 19

#2488032 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:01

Is it weird that I held my thumbs up to my iPhone while reading this?

Reply

xmayne | 0

#2488078 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

no, being normal is overrated.

Reply

Bassmasterclassi | 2

#2488284 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:15

I think the thumbs up needs to make a come back, along with chest bumps and behind the back low double five.

Reply

UnicornHooker | 0

#2488367 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:55

Well, 28, I'm currently trying to revive the infamous Jack and Karen tummy-bump from Will and Grace. I feel it's catching on.

There is hope for the abandoned gestures of the nineties!

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2488395 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

I give the computer a pat on the back and $20 for taxi, once I finish having a wank

Reply

Tsunami87 | 17

#2488397 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:08

thumbs are cool

Reply

nebula748 | 14

#2488572 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:19

34, that made me lol

Reply

fmlwmty | 0

#2490372 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:18

no I did it too

By massnerder420 | 4

#2488036 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

Wtf?

Reply

afdude87 | 6

#2488223 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:41

yeah, that's the first thing that I thought.

Reply

hiyourcute | 0

#2488958 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 16:34

Clearly he spends too much time on Facebook...

By badbe | 0

#2488039 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

I don't think you have to worry if it's seeing something cool while working...

Reply

DreaminOfMusic | 0

#2488371 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:56

what a loser!

Reply

Every1luvsfmls | 6

#2490406 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 23:23

what a loser!

By angel55033 | 12

#2488044 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:02

at least you don't talk to yourself which I mean is okay as long as you don't start answering yourself

Reply

UnicornHooker | 0

#2488405 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:09

Oh Christ, my mother does that.
I hope I don't inherit that "quirk", she's already given me her bipolar disorder and horrible nose.

By Omegadolly | 22

#2488050 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:03

Looks like it's time to step outside for a little while...

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2488063 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

Depends how many cool things are you seeing daily..

Reply

sugarycupcake | 0

#2496430 - Thursday 12 May 2011 3:46

hahahhaahaha I laugh at u OP

By Pownzeez | 0

#2488066 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:05

just say u were skyping someone lol

Reply

nebula748 | 14

#2488577 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:22

At work? That's worse than being weird.

By BieberLilly6 | 0

#2488081 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:07

how manny times do u do it lol

By xoCOURTNIEox | 0

#2488091 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:08

awesome possum :)

Reply

loganG16 | 0

#2488750 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 15:02

I wish!

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#2489777 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 21:13

Fried

By UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#2488103 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:09

And what do you do if you something uncool? Thumbs down?

Reply

UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#2488116 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:10

*see

Reply

iLazy | 0

#2488148 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 9:15

*saw

Reply

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2488443 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:32

*observed

Reply

Troll_Doll | 0

#2488611 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 12:48

*look at

Reply

plebeianFelix | 5

#2488687 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:02

*encounter

Reply

shoopd | 19

#2488730 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 14:48

I fuckin LOOOOOOOVVEEE seesaws!!