Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with.... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 21:35 - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23925

You deserved it

2121

Tweet

Share

Don't shoot the messenger

Or he's just becoming an old goober

The student becomes the master

By alone - 20/4/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been talking to another girl behind my back about how much he hates being with me. Turns out he’s been talking to her everyday for 3 months, and she kept pushing him to leave me, but he was only staying because I cook for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2564

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By in love with an idiot - 20/11/2016 11:47 - Angola - Luanda

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10137

You deserved it

1625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44759

You deserved it

5325

Tweet

Share

By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30677

You deserved it

4059

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 21:28 - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26626

You deserved it

1705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/5/2020 20:00

Vultures

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1990

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/8/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39041

You deserved it

3145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29816

You deserved it

2676

Tweet

Share

By SailorVenus93 - 29/10/2019 20:00

Giddy approval!

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1191

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/1/2014 21:08 - Canada - Prince Albert

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41741

You deserved it

9730

Tweet

Share

By HereWeGoAgain - 22/9/2017 13:00

Romance in Appalachia

Today, my mother beamingly asked for my opinion on her wedding dress. She is engaged to her cousin. Conveniently, they already have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4022

You deserved it

291

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 5/3/2011 05:34 - France

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31782

You deserved it

16277

Tweet

Share

By SmileAndSayHi - 1/6/2016 19:23 - United States - Hialeah

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9441

You deserved it

645

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/5/2011 10:06 - Finland

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51690

You deserved it

8216

Tweet

Share

By bunnyluver4545 - 11/1/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16487

You deserved it

36450

Tweet

Share

By titoutou222 - 22/10/2011 12:40 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27396

You deserved it

18525

Tweet

Share

By done - 7/8/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Excuse you?

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3111

You deserved it

174

Tweet

Share

By Liz - 27/9/2010 19:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16361

You deserved it

39830

Tweet

Share

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/6/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65133

You deserved it

4300

Tweet

Share

By Username - 24/7/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35568

You deserved it

3924

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2019 02:00

Today, my mother told me she's planning on taking the next two weeks "off". She is unemployed and on disability, and spends her days on the couch watching Netflix. Off from what? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1822

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 23:36 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46417

You deserved it

5980

Tweet

Share

By Shamu - 14/2/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54374

You deserved it

8746

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2017 20:00

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4483

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By tcm123 - 29/10/2012 04:31 - United States - Champaign

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25297

You deserved it

1605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 07:42 - United States

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29176

You deserved it

4878

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - 2/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7109

You deserved it

4282

Tweet

Share

By Bahhumbug - 22/12/2014 14:24 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38562

You deserved it

4237

Tweet

Share

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33991

You deserved it

8299

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 21/2/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

88822

You deserved it

8273

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2014 15:57 - United States - Lancaster

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45285

You deserved it

13565

Tweet

Share

By SexyQueen0905 - 17/5/2011 13:05

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32527

You deserved it

11975

Tweet

Share

By Abr829 - 9/11/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31096

You deserved it

4598

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/1/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20934

You deserved it

1320

Tweet

Share

By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32395

You deserved it

4888

Tweet

Share

By "lk07" - 27/10/2017 23:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3533

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By sadbride - 9/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2872

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By KMilly - 1/5/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14361

You deserved it

62400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2012 18:28 - Argentina - Villa Sarmiento

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31794

You deserved it

7326

Tweet

Share

By thedancingtit - 7/6/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13944

You deserved it

2310

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By max_dilbe | 14

#6470970 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:53

Be a good sport, take a homeless person or someone who would need that meal..

By KatieJBabe | 24

#6470953 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:43

More for you!

Comments

By KatieJBabe | 24

#6470953 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:43

More for you!

Reply

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6471181 - Thursday 26 November 2015 17:37

Left overs rock!

By youraveragehuman | 16

#6470961 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:49

You could always take out a loved one and not necessarily partner for food; it'll make their night and free food!

By KittyKatKyrish | 14

#6470964 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:51

TAKE ME INSTEAD

Reply

gamermonster | 34

#6470997 - Thursday 26 November 2015 11:44

Don't use caps please

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6471047 - Thursday 26 November 2015 13:59

GOT A PROBLEM WITH CAPS? CAPS NEED LOVE TOO.

Reply

CallMeWindSock | 24

#6471412 - Thursday 26 November 2015 22:37

TRIGGERED

By Cads1 | 24

#6470966 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:51

Sell your prize to a friend.

By Isandri | 29

#6470968 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:52

take a homeless person with you ;)

By max_dilbe | 14

#6470970 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:53

Be a good sport, take a homeless person or someone who would need that meal..

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6471048 - Thursday 26 November 2015 14:01

I'm so glad you suggested that. Especially during this time of year.

Reply

Colon_Man | 17

#6471049 - Thursday 26 November 2015 14:03

To both 5 & 6; I came in here just to say the same.

Good on you guys. :)

By MonstreBelle | 28

#6470972 - Thursday 26 November 2015 10:53

Two meals for one isn't so bad if the food is delicious

By Ononised | 11

#6470981 - Thursday 26 November 2015 11:06

Take someone that wouldn't expect it but you think might really appreciate it

By exergency | 17

#6470982 - Thursday 26 November 2015 11:07

Take your cat

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6471070 - Thursday 26 November 2015 14:32

I can just picture op's cat sitting in the chair across to her with a napkin on his lap while he licks some tuna off a super fancy plate in a super fancy restaurant as everyone else stares incredulously.

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6470993 - Thursday 26 November 2015 11:31

Start by asking your friends!