Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
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Comments (154)
Googolman 29
Breastfest sounds better because it rhymes.
mosquito19 14
uh...was it Taco Bell?
orbit 22
yes but a feast is always better
rambleramble3 11
Breastfest sounds better because it rhymes but then it just sounds like lots and lots of breasts, kinda like sausagefest O_o
chrisxja 8
Why? Just... Why?
NotARealThing 4
Yea, kick his ass, throw him out, call the cops, or worse. Good god the responses here are bitchy. I get the strange feeling since this wasn't a "woke up being groped" post, the guy was probably just trying to be funny or play a prank. It doesn't sound like he touched her boobs. She probably asked him to pick him up food and then passed out on the couch or something so he did it to be funny...some people here really need to lighten up.
interesting33 37
it doesn't sound like that - we are all making assumptions but you seem to be making quite a leap - although it is an interesting point. We need OP to give more info really.
rocker_chick23 27
It doesn't sound like that at all. If it was, the OP wouldn't have made an FML.
NotARealThing 4
I suppose it's a bit of a leap, but it makes even less sense that she would be posting this on FML if it was a serious issue. I should only hope if OP felt threatened or violated, she would call the cops or kick him out, not write about it on a forum called "F my life." And I'm pretty sure if it was a problem, she would/should have the maturity to talk to him about it face to face. Besides, for all we know, it may be his place so all the 'kick him out' comments might be mute.
othehugemanatee 8
If you prefer Spicy sauce instead, you need to speak up!
GentlemanBastard 15
So when's the next breastfest? And how do I get tickets?
Maverick804 11
Looks like he's nacho friend.
ZorroRooster 19
Time for a talk on boundaries. or just super glue his dick to his leg. Though someone that weird, I'm not sure you'd want to go anywhere near his nether regions...
DogeMan 14
I think superglue would be to far... U know how painful that would be? She should try something easier like fill his underwear with cool whip lol