Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
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Comments (154)
Cloureed 9
Okay this is NOT normal, and unless he is a prankster/ old friend you're overally casual with you seriously need to boot him out.
Brandi_Faith 34
Yes, glad someone thinks they may be best friends and in a prank war. I think this may be the case because she didn't word the FML like it was a crazy psycho and she was scared. I seriously hope for Op's sake that this is the case! Otherwise that is pretty creepy.
ahsanmasood 4
so wait...you're saying that some guy that you have only know for two weeks keep trying to shove things between your breasts while you sleep? Like touching you, while you sleep? Right? That's what you're saying? Right? Hon, you need to kick his ass out! and get a restraining order! If not more....
WasabiMars 21
You can deter the said creepy room mate by hiding a couple of pepper spray nearby. This is so that if your room mate finds the pepper spray, you'd have a back-up. Maybe one under the pillow, another hidden behind the lamp, another under the bed, etc. Then spray away. Mousetraps also work. If it's not enough you can always run a mild electrical current through your doorknob but remember to switch off the current before you touch it yourself.
LittleRed79 39
Haha! I'm picturing OP sleeping with mousetraps between her boobs.
WasabiMars 21
One would normally think to place mousetraps on the floor for the room mate to step on since it won't be seen with all the (presumably) lights off while sleeping in at night. Well... your perspective of boobie-mousetraps may be good, too... maybe.
99treee 7
That's kinda hot
Zebediabolical 45
It's kinda mild, actually.
randomgirl1234 20
Every girl's dream it is to have breakfast in bed. And you're bitching about it
Lily_Rain77 25
kick him out or call the cops
PennyLane27 32
Call the cops first... and then landlord if you have one. Maybe an attorney? I don't know. But you're gonna need as much legal advising as you can get to make sure this guy goes away and stays away.
reyelisaia 15
That's creepy!
PennyLane27 32
Hun, you need to skip everything else and call the police. Like. Now. His psychology is complex. You don't wanna screw around with it. Cut him off. Now. What he's doing is sick. You're at your most vulnerable (asleep), he's going into YOUR room, doing things to YOUR body, and satisfying some weirdass fetish.. WITHOUT your consent. There is NO excuse for what he's doing. Period.
GentlemanBastard 15
"His psychology is complex" lmao thank you for being inadvertently hilarious
mld4657 28
was it cooked or frozen? I'm a little intrigued. and why don't you either kick him out or put a lock on your door
rocker_chick23 27
Kick him out. He is a ******* pervert, and there is no telling what he will do next.