Intimacy: It's funny because it's true

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 779

You deserved it 12 678

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 9 837

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 1 560

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 394

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 161

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 132

You deserved it 1 154

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 4 559

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 792

By drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 281

You deserved it 40 956

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 944

xkaokaox 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:15

It's okay... food can't get you preggers.

rrjr010 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:20

She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.

Comments

JFox 8

Friday 22 May 2009 10:10

You're better off.

alexomAnexo 0

Thursday 8 April 2010 4:54

I'm a guy so I'd rather have chips in my bed than another guy........

rwac07 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 23:48

she's a *****

rightonlooser 0

Friday 4 June 2010 8:36

she IS a *****

Shootermtd25 7

Friday 23 March 2012 4:27

maybe it's her boyfriend

anonymous100000 17

Tuesday 2 December 2014 21:25

why fyl? because you're not a ***** and won't contract an std unlike your roommate? seriously..

Emma Marshall 19

Tuesday 4 September 2018 4:43

She's not a ***** for having a sex life. Just like guys are always sleeping around, women can do it too! But food is better 🤷🏽‍♀️

driscoll1985 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:13

Any bird could wake up with a boy in her bed. Its not difficult!!! I have woken up with food in my bed numerous occassions. One time it even looked liked I had an egg fight with myself and lost. At least you wont be nicknamed the slag of the two of you!!!

Shadow_Sniper 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 1:45

#2 is right its not really very impressive when a girl gets a different guy in her bed every other night...it is if a guy does it, though

WTSchool 0

Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:25

If a guy gets another guy in his bed every night, that's impressive?

xkaokaox 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:15

It's okay... food can't get you preggers.

rawrcatx 0

Saturday 20 August 2011 0:20

Food baby?

Star928 7

Sunday 14 October 2012 18:10

It can make you LOOK like you're preggers.

24788 6

Friday 22 May 2009 10:18

What's wrong with waking up with food in your bed? You don't have to get up and walk to the fridge the next morning.

krazygirl100 9

Monday 25 April 2011 9:23

ya it sounds awsome

rrjr010 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:20

She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.

redbluegreen 40

Friday 22 May 2009 10:21

#3 - She could always have a food baby. And yeah, anyone can wake up with someone in their bed. She's calling herself the ****, it doesn't make her any more special. Wait till you get a call that she's got herpes.