Intimacy, Awkward and Wanker: Involuntary

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 135

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 223

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 280

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 091

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 799

You deserved it 4 923

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 7 454

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 736

You deserved it 4 423

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 927

You deserved it 3 566

By lonerjik - 19/01/2011 12:05 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 10 830

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 428

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 57 265

Sdog 6

Tuesday 20 July 2021 4:43

Or maybe she wasn’t asleep …

SirSteamLocomotive 9

Tuesday 20 July 2021 17:06

So, you didn't politely inquire to help ,because. . .?

Comments

Sdog 6

Tuesday 20 July 2021 4:43

Or maybe she wasn’t asleep …

SirSteamLocomotive 9

Tuesday 20 July 2021 17:06

So, you didn't politely inquire to help ,because. . .?

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 278

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 209

The Top

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 851

You deserved it 816

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 134

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 612

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 921

You deserved it 1 299

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 474

You deserved it 840

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 983

You deserved it 4 008