Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
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Comments (154)
soulreaper12296 28
I think you should probably report him for doing that.
nitrog100 21
Question: did you enjoy the burrito?
liza1922 7
Why is he still your roommate?
gracehi 33
So you didn't punch him in the balls, throw all his shit out the window, kick him out of the apartment, and change the locks the first time he molested you? Odd.
ofmiceandbrides 2
Uh I'd kick him out. XD
ofmiceandbrides 2
Oh one question. Did you eat the burrito?
Sakuraashita 15
Okay, the only thing that would make this even a tiny but less pervy is if your roommate sleepwalks... Still creepy, though, regardless...
keiNan_fml 35
kick his ass... and tell him to leave
rainbowdonnareed 18
Yeah get a lock and a Doberman! Said dog will take care of him! A friend of mine had an odd stalker roommate.....
DanielleinDC 34
Dogs are a pretty big responsibility, and not everyone has the capacity to care for a dog. Not to mention the place may not allow dogs. No, what she should do is kick his pervy ass out before shit escalates.
Zebediabolical 45
The single most disturbing part of this is that he's using mild sauce instead of hot sauce.