By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 384
You deserved it 3 891

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ewmoldycheese 14

The real question is which cheek?

I bet you've always wanted a dog!


ewmoldycheese 14

The real question is which cheek?

Dusty_Busters 15

Ahhhh I liked this!

#1, I like the way you think

#1: The right one, of course.

nyellow 6

LOLZ!!!!! You thinking wat I'm thinking?????

then000bster 16

The roommate was only playing the game "how many licks does it take to... wake up your roommate"

Medd_fml 13

Why was #5 downvoted but 21 was upvoted? They posted almost the exact same sentiment.

Its the exicution of the comment

Because #5 forgot to use virgin blood in the sacred ritual of sacrifice to appease the FML gods.

Sequence of "The Roommate"

So I guess it's safe to say your roommate is quite "cheeky"

jasmine2301 25


No... Just why?

Grauncho 27

In this thread, we learn that #2 is a really awkward motherfucker.

Why do I feel like there is a possibility that #2 may actually be the creepy roommate in this fml?

jonahwalzer 12

That was pretty good!

Does nobody understand puns? Being cheeky is almost exclusively detrimental

#2. your pun was genius. I laughed my butt off

8313girl 28

Being cheeky is also a British phrase meaning naughty or mischievous. #2 I approve your pun.

I bet you've always wanted a dog!

When I read this FML, I made the "oh-my-god-that's-so-horrifyingly-creepy" face. Been a while since I have for something here!

Wait, I'm confused. so it isn't normal to lick your roommates cheek while they're sleeping? now I know why my roommates been avoiding me lately. thank you FML!

8313girl 28

I had a friend trick me into a Mexican tradition of shoving my face in my birthday cake & telling my guy friends they had to lick it off. Yes it's a weird creepy feeling.

Gross restraing order or at least a lock on your door

ROOMmate, not flat or suite mate

Roomate can be used to describe all 3 so I don't see your point.

No, roommate implies that they share the same room, whereas the others imply that they share the same residence, and maybe the same room but not necessarily. Roommate is to suite mate as square is to rectangle: all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.

If you want to be technical, yes, but you don't hear many "apartmentmates" around. Calling the person who shares your living space a roommate is much more convenient.

This is why I also said flat mate.

What if I live on a hill? :o

perdix 29

#20, slopemate. Next question?

MikaykayUnicorn 36

Oh wow. So if your friend jokingly licks your cheek, you get a restraining order? I mean I know it's gross and all, but really?

Hey perdix, what if i live at an inn?

perdix 29

#53, inmate, and maybe, bitch ;)

#17, haven't had a lot of roommates, eh? Just kidding. Just poking fun. Anyway... Technically you may be correct, but you aren't factoring in lingo. Roommate means you live with someone in a room, apartment, house, etc. in the US or Canada. Dorm mate could be used if you're in a dorm but it's optional. It's a flatmate in Europe. This is just usually. I would never say flatmate in Canada.

Epikouros 31

Thanks for explaining the intricacies of the English language, #63. Now I can justify reading FML on a Monday morning as 'professional development' to my boss (that's the tax authority, since I'm self-employed).

#44, OP didn't say, friend joking licked me, OP said creepy new roommate. Creepy as in not joking and new as in don't know very well. Add these two things together and yeah, a restraining order might, might be in order. It could be that the new roommate has an odd personality that's hard to understand. But this could also lead to much crazier and more dangerous things. Its an option OP will have to look depending on the situation, there are some messed up people out there.

Were they drunk? Or on drugs? Maybe both? Lock the doors next time Hun...

Pssshhh. I'd sleep wherever I wanted to in my own place. If someone woke me up licking my face, well then be prepared to wake up with me pissing on yours. Lol

That came out weird... I didn't mean that I would piss on your face 7.

8313girl 28

OPs roommate was probably on bath salts lol. Good thing OP woke up in time.

vffjvsegb 11

The movie Single White Female comes to mind..

Jelbeztok 17

i thought of the same thing.

Epikouros 31

I don't get that movie. How can anyone sympathize with a racist?

What are you talking about 76??

shaww 28

I think you should cheek if they're asleep before you sleep. .... anyone?

AnOriginalName 19

And if the roommate wakes up before OP does?

That doesn't really change anything.

Grauncho 27


AnOriginalName 19

Congratulations 32. That was the implied point of my comment. You win a third of the internets.

diving_fml 30

room privacy.... or a lock.

castleofg1ass 19

Maybe your new room mate thinks that they're a cat

It's possible... I once knew a girl in elementary school that was convinced she was half cat. Although, again, she was in elementary school... I think most people would outgrow a belief like that the same way young children outgrow their belief in their imaginary friends as they mature.

Talk them into wearing a shock collar and the next time he/she does it shock them.

Oh, getting kinda kinky now don't you think? I don't think OP would want to place that seed in their creepy new roommate's head!