Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
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Comments (154)
magaliwoodrock 19
Del taco bean and cheese burrito with red sauce and mild sauce?
imaninjaturtle 6
"sorry, i thought you were the microwave..." lmao
veritoswty6 14
Time to get a new roommate..! ?
Witchylady 18
Get rid of the creep.
IamDevinator 4
It's a guy???? SLAP HIM!!!
lina21 12
Creeper alert. At least get a good lock
uhohitslisa2 20
Either ask them to move out, or lock your room.
Iceberg86300 14
#123 I agree totally with with that, but some investigation after the initial “she said, he said” would probably turn up other issues, hopefully bringing out some other woman. Plus burrito with hot sauce!? You can't make that shit up! But still, I don't think there is a clause for that in your vanilla lease agreement, and I wouldn't lead with “you're out at the end of the month,” way to much time for something REALLY bad to go down. However, a locked door to a room in a house with many roommates is the very same as one person in an apartment or house locking up when it comes to breaking and entering. This advice was given to me when I caught a jackass stealing needs from my room. Still, 2nd time in 2 weeks, it's time for a) a taser, and b) a visit to the local spy shop or overnight order from online shipped to a friends house. If it's only 2 people in the house a cheapy infrared with IR LEDS and regular camera would get the job done. Wireless is nice, is but in this case I'd go with wired models so they aren't seen broadcasting a signal to catch the guy in the act. Protective order can be issued immediately, but come time for the real deal you want hard evidence. This in no way takes the place of the advice of a lawyer and LEO.
JKROB 16
mmmm boobrito
travismassie 7
at least the burrito was between the boobs instead of the beef in the taco
ARetardedSeal 24
Try hot sauce in his eye when he's asleep?