Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I... - FML

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 797

You deserved it 57 316

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 18:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 294

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 7 468

Overcome

By Handblocked - 04/09/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor's appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 433

You deserved it 635

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 250

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 230

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 621

You deserved it 8 141

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 200

You deserved it 53 468

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 6 839

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 141

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 554

You deserved it 3 892

Next

Top comments

kraine0712 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:11

Wow poor vibrator. This should be the vibrators FML. Today, some chick was using me and it was going really well. Then she fell asleep with me still running, now my batteries are dead. I have a job interview tomorrow. FML.

ayooBrandon 12

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:07

I can't imagine how wet your sheets are

Comments

daxter136 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:51

I took pictures and video then posted it online

XxThrasherxX 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:54

Wowowowow not even I do that...

screw_this27 12

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:56

Best. Ever.

derfMcCallen 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:00

better change the batteries for the next time!!

lyssaisyourgirl 7

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:02

must not have been that good

Dark2003 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:13

sounds like a good way to wake up

thepirate19 3

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:16

are you that bad at it? I win that game everytime.

GoingLesbian 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:16

HAH been there done that.. most relaxing thing ever sometimes.

Ozman2001 2

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:17

wow .....uhm.....may I suggest a boyfriend?

utvols11 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:18

thats so hot

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 106

You deserved it 5 035

Today, I got up at five, got dressed, and walked halfway to work in the snow. I then realized that it's Sunday. I also forgot my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 721

You deserved it 6 147

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 187

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 392

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 328

Today, the company I work for is now under new ownership. Somehow, this set off a series of events that resulted in the best boss I've ever had being effectively fired. I'm badly disabled, and she was the only thing stopping me from experiencing rampant ableism at work. I may be jobless again very soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 140