Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML
Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
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Top comments
DahkLohd 4
Creepy.
MyNameIsBruce 0
Shut up. You tried to do it to Harry a few years back.
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Comments (242)
blink831forever 13
I'm sorry, but that is freaking funny as hell! I do feel bad for you OP but its hard for me to stop laughing.
Drclino 0
surprise noone else said it yet but.....pictures or it didnt happen lol
three3_fml 2
roommate wanted to ****
doublewide420 0
you should have threw her a good ass kicking so she respects you a little more,and thinks twice about ******* with you..
annigotammo 1
cause physical fighting = respect....
dustin3823 0
that is just f*ckd up kick the b@tch out
iloveloosy12 0
woah. she's jacked up in the mind
CrimsonNightmare 0
I wish my roommate was like that... And a girl
ohmek 0
Did you guys then proceed to have hot lesbian sex? I mean that is what your roommate was probably hoping for, right? That whole killing part was her just trying to set the mood. Should of just went with it.
RedPillSucks 33
Black Swan meets Roommate?
puredarkness_evi 0
You better hide yo kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband cause she's creepin erbody out here!
talktomandybaby 8
like the movie orphan?
theubersauceness 1
I'm sorry you just no ok no you just killed it.
caZper 4
creepy!!!!