Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her, and barely get to see her because of our work schedules… Only to see her there on a date. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. I took her out to her favorite restaurant to celebrate. The waitress serving us looked oddly familiar but I didn’t think anything of it until she said when we collected the check, “Aren’t you my sister’s husband?” I forgot she had a younger sister who worked here. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I took a date to a new restaurant I’d never been to before. Wish I had been because it turns out two of my ex-girlfriends work there as waitresses. Luckily they were amicable break-ups, but it was still hella awkward every time they brought stuff to the table. FML
Today, I went out to eat. When I walked into the restaurant, a lady approached me and said she'd seat me soon. After a long wait, I saw that same lady leave. Then I realized she didn't actually work there and was just screwing with me. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
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Top comments
sirrubberduckie 37
You could've picked any restaurant in the area and you picked a location of the chain your wife works for? Why would that possibly be your decision? You're an idiot at least two ways.
TomeDr 25
You are slime. I hope you weren’t expecting sympathy.
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Comments (11)
TomeDr 25
You are slime. I hope you weren’t expecting sympathy.
JasonThorn 23
Obligatory DJ Khaled "You Played Yourself."
Thaylok 17
Glad to see the adjustment Desserts are still on the menu. And you came here seeking sympathy? Empathy? Constructive advice? Yes let's go with the last one: Get the shittiest lawyer around because you deserve that and your ex wife deserves the best one. I sure hope you live in an alimony state.
Thaylok 17
Just Desserts.. darn autocorrect and bad typing
Racer88Socal 4
Karma is a bitch, isn't it!
sirrubberduckie 37
You could've picked any restaurant in the area and you picked a location of the chain your wife works for? Why would that possibly be your decision? You're an idiot at least two ways.
Iamthebanzai22 21
J& C* dude, you don't even know where your wife works? I'm wondering what the hell she saw in you in the first place.
Lost Reggie 22
You deserved it. Hopefully your girlfriend makes more money than your wife.
maverick83 15
Just imagine, if you didn't cheat, you wouldn't need to keep track of shit like that. And you wouldn't be a scumbag! Bonus!
Plcx 8
you deserved it for being stupid!
poopface82 25
Not sure which is worse, the cheating or the stupidity.
OniKudaki 6
Probably the stupidity. He could at least stop cheating, but the stupidity is there to stay.