By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 659
You deserved it 4 389

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\ 28

(toe enters mouth) "Didn't mean to wake you." (moves foot away) -Glenn Quagmire

Oh alright, that's interesting.


Oh alright, that's interesting.

If that's not creepy as fuck, I don't know what is.

Well, seeing as you asked: waking up to a random guy screaming the lion sleeps tonight, in a banana suit, while furiously masterbating. That would be pretty damn creepy.

17 - I think I know a guy like that downtown.

People can be weird. I woke up to my friend sniffing my ear one day

True friendship right there

I'm so curious as to what you did in response to this 0.0

I stop reading after stroking face with bottom

He posted an fml

\ 28

(toe enters mouth) "Didn't mean to wake you." (moves foot away) -Glenn Quagmire

\ 28

...on another tangent, I still think "The Cleveland Show" is a joke. If anyone was to have his own spin-off series, it should've been Quagmire. My $0.02

12 just go watch porn.

#12 This is the U.S., Quagmire having a spin-off series wouldn't (or couldn't) be broadcasted here. Also, I feel the same about The Cleveland Show.

Oh 18, I get it lol. At first I was like "...What the hell made you think of porn?". But after reading it more than once and then remembering how perverted Quagmire is, I was like "Ahh... I see how that's relevent to 12's proposal."

i would've killed him!

Why resort to violence?

This is why many sleep with a gun under their pillow

#38 or with one eye open!

gripping their pillow tight!

That's typically so you don't wake up with someones dick in your ass.

WHas it supposed to be soothing??

\ 28

Wow, way to reveal our hidden fetishes, #6.

*checks for over 18* Yes please.

What is a foot job?

a job for your foot.

#39 It involves shoving a foot up your arse

Either massaging someones foot, or someone using their feet to give you a blow job. I'm afraid to use google or urban dictionary after the "blue waffles", "2 girls, one cup", and "two men, one horse" incidents.

Have you ever had a "spotted dick"?

^comment was for 55 : thought since you knew what a blue waffle was... Maybe you'd know what a spotted dick was. Yes yes... It sounds really... It's just a dish.

That's creepy O.O

Think about it.. It could have been worse he could have been stroking with something else

And that 'something else' could have slipped into your mouth

A time to literally interpret the phrase "go break a leg." Someone else's leg. Off. But I am a bit curious about how he was standing.

The FML doesn't say he was standing.

If he was lying down, I think this would've been a very different FML.

most people have 2 legs. it isn't that hard to stand on one leg while lifting your other leg to bed height

Her? What FML are you reading? Apparently not the same one as me.