If that's not creepy as fuck, I don't know what is.

Well, seeing as you asked: waking up to a random guy screaming the lion sleeps tonight, in a banana suit, while furiously masterbating. That would be pretty damn creepy.

17 - I think I know a guy like that downtown.

People can be weird. I woke up to my friend sniffing my ear one day

True friendship right there

I stop reading after stroking face with bottom

He posted an fml

Giggity

...on another tangent, I still think "The Cleveland Show" is a joke. If anyone was to have his own spin-off series, it should've been Quagmire. My $0.02

12 just go watch porn.

#12 This is the U.S., Quagmire having a spin-off series wouldn't (or couldn't) be broadcasted here. Also, I feel the same about The Cleveland Show.

Oh 18, I get it lol. At first I was like "...What the hell made you think of porn?". But after reading it more than once and then remembering how perverted Quagmire is, I was like "Ahh... I see how that's relevent to 12's proposal."

Why resort to violence?

This is why many sleep with a gun under their pillow

#38 or with one eye open!

gripping their pillow tight!

That's typically so you don't wake up with someones dick in your ass.

Wow, way to reveal our hidden fetishes, #6.

*checks for over 18* Yes please.

What is a foot job?

a job for your foot.

#39 It involves shoving a foot up your arse

Either massaging someones foot, or someone using their feet to give you a blow job. I'm afraid to use google or urban dictionary after the "blue waffles", "2 girls, one cup", and "two men, one horse" incidents.

Have you ever had a "spotted dick"?

^comment was for 55 : thought since you knew what a blue waffle was... Maybe you'd know what a spotted dick was. Yes yes... It sounds really... It's just a dish.

And that 'something else' could have slipped into your mouth

bahaha

The FML doesn't say he was standing.

If he was lying down, I think this would've been a very different FML.

most people have 2 legs. it isn't that hard to stand on one leg while lifting your other leg to bed height