Work: Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like...

By Rmglrsm - 23/06/2016 02:21

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 896

You deserved it 1 751

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

You tried

Carless whisper

Get packing!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 208

You deserved it 5 758

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 2 993

Comforter

By random - 29/01/2012 10:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 471

You deserved it 5 381

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 22:59 - United States - Framingham

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 576

You deserved it 2 407

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/02/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 243

You deserved it 3 646

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 09:02

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 278

You deserved it 7 748

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 838

By wtffireworks! - 26/05/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 18 494

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 229

You deserved it 3 295

By mybad - 25/08/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 130

You deserved it 13 225

By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 773

You deserved it 4 733

Get out while you still can

By Bullet dodged - 20/02/2021 00:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 120

QAnon weirdoes

By my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 11:16 - France

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 278

You deserved it 3 746

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 289

You deserved it 3 502

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 937

You deserved it 7 937

By Andre - 29/07/2010 10:56 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 680

You deserved it 9 392

By .... - 08/06/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 743

You deserved it 3 248

Fandoms are weird

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 09:02 - Romania

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 464

By efff my life. - 31/05/2011 02:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 033

You deserved it 4 280

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 207

You deserved it 33 542

By injuredwifelady - 23/02/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 770

You deserved it 1 976

All in a day's work.

By Steve-noh - 10/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 563

Whenever

By InstantHardOn - 08/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 407

You deserved it 8 127

By Down - 16/01/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 283

You deserved it 1 903

By photonut13 - 15/07/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 495

You deserved it 2 991

By Triple F - 07/03/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 40 166

By izhamilton - 20/02/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 956

You deserved it 2 753

I have sex

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 23:00 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I had a threesome with two girls. We'd hashed everything out and decided it would just be a one time thing, no attachments. It was great, but afterwards they both got mad at me for not trying to date one of them, and then accused me of wanting the other friend more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 1 224

By Anonymous - 18/07/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, I finished a fence around my house that I have been working on all week. About an hour after I finished, a water company truck pulled into my driveway. They told me they would have to take down my fence to make repairs on a water pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 182

You deserved it 3 183

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 22:13 - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 124

You deserved it 4 948

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 96

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/07/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 4 968

By Iamdisappointed - 24/07/2013 11:50 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 705

You deserved it 5 944

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 19:53 - United States

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 162

You deserved it 4 108

By thatsucks - 28/02/2016 20:49 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my housemate used a dry vacuum to unclog the toilet before moving out and then didn't change the vacuum bag. He left several weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 820

You deserved it 1 553

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 915

You deserved it 4 837

Gas wars

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 15:59 - United States

Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Havertown

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 414

You deserved it 1 494

By syle - 13/11/2008 06:51 - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 756

You deserved it 7 610

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Top comments

nattnatt73 31

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Friday 8 July 2016 8:34

I worked in customer service over the phone and had a lady ask what country I was in. I told her I was from Washington state and she didn't believe me. It happens. And I don't even have a speech impediment

racheal1000 13

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:05

don't feel embarrass. I have a speech impediment due to hearing loss and people have always asked me where I'm from. Doesn't bother me one bit

nattnatt73 31

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Friday 8 July 2016 8:34

Mudge 11

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Monday 15 August 2016 4:57

well Washington isn't a country

hellobobismyname 24

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Monday 15 August 2016 7:22

#18 - You can still deduce what country Washington state is in though, no?

racheal1000 13

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:05

don't feel embarrass. I have a speech impediment due to hearing loss and people have always asked me where I'm from. Doesn't bother me one bit

kiki1705 20

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:15

Good thing you asked that first.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:20

It was probably more embarrassing for you then her just because she's used to being asked that question...

MDoremis 38

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:21

I wouldn't feel too bad. It's not like you could have known.

Leviathene 34

Monday 15 August 2016 1:22

I'm an Aussie who apparently has a Canadian accent. I was just taught how to speak proper English when I was growing up. I don't get upset when people ask me, I just laugh it off. Don't worry OP, honest mistake.

chrisbeaudoin 26

Monday 15 August 2016 5:21

I bet those hosers don't even know what they are talkin aboot, eh?

Colon_Man 17

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Monday 15 August 2016 18:06

I get asked if I'm Canadian about once a month. "What do you mean, Buddy?"

almost_there44 26

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:22

It's okay OP. I stutter and people ask me where I'm from all the time. Some people don't believe me, but it's okay. I don't take it personally and she probably didn't as well. Don't beat yourself up.

mezochan 29

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:33

Don't beat yourself up! While embarrassing for you, they probably don't think it's that bad to have someone mistake their speech impediment for an accent at least.

Tripartita 44

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Monday 15 August 2016 1:39

"Yeah, it's wicked pissa' confusing that you'd think I'm from Boston. Anyway, if you wanna meet up later, we could watch my favorite movie, Good Will Hunting."