Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
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Top comments
Arshoo14 2
Hmmm...So that's a pillow fight.
Tarlachia 33
Butcher: "I'm gonna turn you into a nice, soft feather pillow, you ornery bird!" Goose: "I will never stop! Every feather of my being shall draw it's revenge!"
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Comments (18)
trucker2 33
You fell asleep- the pillow wasn't down for that...
sighlifeman 12
lol feather pillows Actually are a thing??
PenguinsLaugh 24
Yes, and have been for quite a long time.
Bliepje 22
That made me laugh out loud. Most have been a weird discovery so early awoken
tounces7 28
Lucky it didn't try to suffocate you.
AceGthebest 16
You deserve it for using a feather pillow
_EnderDoge 22
I hope you mean EX-Pillow!
wintyrbunny 11
The comment makes it seem so normal that owning a cat would somehow naturally mean commonly waking up with bleeding scratches across your face
domolovesyoshi 33
I know my cat has never scratched me in my sleep
sarahcroy20 12
Are you numb? How could you not feel that?