Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML
Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML
Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML
Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML
Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
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Top comments
thisiscat 14
Maybe that's the point..
FirstTigerHobbes 13
I would but I'm crying
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Comments (168)
Enslaved 36
Everyone knows (even MIL) that you're suppose to have great birthday sex! I'm sure it's her son/daughter that is the one doing it, not her. (let's hope) On today's menu: Oysters! Yum!
esines 9
Why the hell are you talking about oysters?
MissMae93 23
Oysters are an aphrodisiac.
jbuckets_404 38
#123: SUPPOSEDLY, but never proven i.e., an urban legend. However, consuming them DOES mimic a woman receiving oral sex.
kimiko521 0
Well I'd chose that over her bitching at me.. Just be grateful you're not the one who had to have her give you the sex talk and help with all that stuff through your life.. On second thought...other than being awkward it's better than stuck up moms right?
immaMonsta 8
That's something my future mother-in-law would say. Either way, FYL. That's awkward. I just hope mine never says it to me lol.
kkillaj 5
Lol pretty cool mother in law I wouldn't find that awkward I would bring it up at dinner and tell her it was pretty good lol
calmyourself 7
She's already your mother in law so her text is based on what she already knows. Say thanks and have sex!
florido_fml 10
Go for it man!
BrotherTheo 31
Why be afraid, arrive for dinner with a smile. A really really big smile. When she asks how your day was you say... We followed your advice, Thanks!
EyeCeYu 7
The one thing iv'e learned from Fmylife.com: Mother-In-Laws are there weirdest/worst thing ever created.
zandalee 19
Get over yaself!! R u 12?
omzz05 2
Your a pussy if your scared. Wtf bang that puss like u never have!.... Ahhh pussy
laurenmacias 0
Welcome to the family