Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
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Top comments
astralvagan 20
That's so immature. Doesn't he know that you have to fart directly on the eye, not the pillow?
unknown_user5566 27
Tell him you were disappointed too, when you found out that his size 14 shoes didn't actually mean he has a big package. Oh, myths are fun.
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Comments (135)
jilljill0125 2
sorry but that's funny
winkydog4056 16
Dump his dumbass; if nothing else for being a prick for doing something that would give you pink eye (not to mention he's braindead for thinking that may really happen).
rebeccac3 5
Exactly 23- what did you expect?
nachosbabygurl 9
really mature
bombshellbabee01 9
Why would he even want to give you pink eye? Unless you made him mad or something
Szaszaspasz 26
He was trying to give you the pink eye. I figure you gave him the "stink eye." Doesn't anyone do old-fashioned Dutch Ovens anymore?
dodzin 9
Fart him out of your life
bimonthly 4
That's your problem. He's 23.
Sneekert 4
What's my age again?!
Derpylicious 3
I suggest you stop going out with someone who was disappointed they didn't infect you with conjunctivitis.