Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
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Top comments
astralvagan 20
That's so immature. Doesn't he know that you have to fart directly on the eye, not the pillow?
unknown_user5566 27
Tell him you were disappointed too, when you found out that his size 14 shoes didn't actually mean he has a big package. Oh, myths are fun.
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Comments (135)
Nighthunter 11
You should give him a pink eye with your fist!
SkoomaKi 28
OP's best reply - "It didn't give me pink-eye, but here, have a black eye".
vbmg152 19
Best answer, yet!
fakkumairaifu 14
Plus it would only take a few seconds and is guaranteed effective.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I'm gasticulating that you mean 23 dog years, otherwise he really took that one too fart. Methanek you for not letting him get away with it... Okay my puns kinda stink today, sorry.
tj5810 21
Just give him the stink eye.
bitchsbehating 2
You're boyfriend is Dirty . I would break up with him .
BulldogHoops 14
*Your
kakarot2 11
Obvious troll is obvious
zachattack112492 4
People aren't this stupid. People aren't this stupid. People aren't this stupid. People aren't this stupid... Nope, can't convince myself.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Was you boyfriend watching Knocked Up last night? If so, the mystery of his stupidity is solved.
BubbleGrunge 18
**** you hormones, not Allison, hormones! And yes, I believe he was!
Psycho_Babydoll 26
You are a crazy bitch, HORMONES. That movie taught me what pink eye is. I owe Judd Apatow so much.
mmbabydollxxx 1
Space neeeded
SkoomaKi 28
I'm just hoping your boyfriends name is Daniel, then you could nickname him "Dirty Dan".
Church_Vii 4
**** SpongeBob. Hard.
yeti37 16
I smell a rat...