Love: Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After...

By vanguardwiley - 24/07/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 585

You deserved it 13 715

Love

Dysfunctional

Sorry…

Mistaken identity

By sinceresally - 03/01/2017 22:26

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 238

You deserved it 1 346

By Blondegirl - 07/11/2009 12:55 - United States

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 5 282

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 621

You deserved it 2 389

By hitchcock2013 - 07/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 13 281

By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 938

You deserved it 5 098

By Noname - 14/02/2012 23:14 - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 010

You deserved it 2 583

By rainastartree - 23/12/2013 21:10 - United States - Crum Lynne

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 974

You deserved it 14 828

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 765

You deserved it 37 396

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 20:14 - United States - Champlin

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 649

You deserved it 29 170

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 2 451

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 090

You deserved it 4 202

By Immafail - 20/12/2016 18:32

Today, my mother decided to "help me" by throwing out the stack of papers on my desk. Unfortunately, those were all my notes for my final exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 725

You deserved it 590

By Anonymous - 27/10/2017 06:03

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 2 618

Thanks for the heads up

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 164

Unconditional support

By anon - 16/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Hinesville

Today, my girlfriend told me she'd support my decision to stay in, or get out of the military, so I renewed my contract...... She broke up with me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 288

By KelseNM - 14/08/2018 14:30

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 121

By pistonsunshine - 10/10/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 729

You deserved it 3 322

By News-print Face Kate - 18/07/2012 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 1 858

Considerate boyfriend

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 07:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 690

You deserved it 15 796

Don't look back

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 16/07/2021 20:01

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 632

I've just got one of those faces

By Eric Rivera - 29/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 13/08/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 945

You deserved it 5 187

By Marfo101 - 16/01/2015 15:41 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 292

You deserved it 13 376

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 18:38 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 139

You deserved it 5 366

By pathetic - 06/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 946

You deserved it 22 531

By Fingkids - 25/09/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 33 784

Love is a battlefield

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 346

By housebroken - 22/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 366

You deserved it 3 312

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:52 - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 339

You deserved it 4 728

By scaredshitless - 07/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 272

You deserved it 65 178

By Hairy Cheek - 15/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 343

You deserved it 2 142

By Human fly - 21/04/2013 06:20 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 46 396

By JennieA - 26/12/2010 23:36

Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 996

You deserved it 2 473

By ButNotBed - 04/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 820

Good morning!

By 3lavyaa - 07/10/2009 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 939

You deserved it 4 757

Gigs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 131

By darthinvader - 16/07/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 27 612

By funny? - 06/09/2016 04:43 - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home I realized I'd put it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 3 212

By StepFather - 31/08/2019 08:01 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 182

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 141

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Top comments

nightngale 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:26

Isn't it ironic how he tells YOU to grow up, yet he wants someone to go cook him breakfast like he's a little kid who needs his mommy to do things for him. If anyone needs to grow up, it's your immature, insensitive 5 year old boyfriend.

abandonship 3

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:04

tell him to make his own damn breakfast!

Antonio718 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:02

Wow, tell him to go to hell and dump him

LookinLikeDrake 0

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Thursday 1 April 2010 2:22

you shouldn't have been sleeping anywhere other than the kitchen so ydi

I_lost_the_game 25

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Friday 16 December 2011 15:13

166- stereotypical asshole

abandonship 3

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:04

tell him to make his own damn breakfast!

f_alltheirlives 3

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

russianredgirl 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 17:04

insecure?

gigi37 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 18:17

No, s/he is referring (I believe) to all the other recent FML's that have been posted about a boyfriend jokingly peeing on his girlfriend, marking his territory and a girl that tried to break up with her boyfriend and he said no. But of course there are FML's about girls being just as ridiculous. OP sucks about the nightmare, good thing it was only that and not real.

ashole1990 10

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:08

what'd you make him? :]

FarSide 22

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:33

LMAO

gizmo_987 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 8:00

LOL, her boyfriend's my hero!!!

mylifesucks07 2

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:10

I lol'd. So what did you make him for breakfast?

Ferretface 13

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Monday 12 December 2011 2:48

A sandwich.

LeggoMyBrago 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:11

What a dick! I hope you didn't actually make him breakfast...

darkmis1 17

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:13

N/o, but he's an ass!

tehukiso 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 16:18

The breakfast comment might have been rude, but the rest of it was right. It was a dream. Recognize it as a dream. Grow up.

lacuna_coil 1

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Saturday 25 July 2009 0:06

Yeah because you've NEVER had a bad dream before, right? I hardly have night mares, but when I do, they're realistic like about me watching my friends being murdered by muggers right before my eyes. Just because it's a dream doesn't mean that it can't be realistic. It's not like she dreamt she was a princess and her favorite dragon flew away. YOU should grow up.