Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
_Skies 0
Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?
swirlsofhoney 0
hey vending machine food is good just not that good...
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Comments (227)
rukusrazor 0
You sound hot.
koritsiamou 2
You sound hot haha
boundforglorywt 0
haha thats whats up
deliciouskaek 1
Dude, seriously? You throw rocks at people? That's just ****** up, wow.
jeanniner 0
yum?
Yulia_fml 0
hahaha I bet #12 is an epic fail because this sounds like a guy, not a girl. but who knows. On another note, *yawn.* not the best of fml's IMO.
daniisme 0
OPs a chick. sounds like a chick n e way... and btw, imo, means potato in Japanese...
awkwardturtley 0
dude it SAYS female...
MissBunnyfufu 0
really me too?!!!! jk but mmm orgasmic food
grammar_nazi 0
#4 Why the hell would you expect him to know every single FML posted and post an original one? FMLs aren't made up (or so I would think). This is what happened to him, can't change that.
jeanniner 0
and wrong FML #13. wow we have some geniuses on this site...
depotst 0
love your pic, a lot :)
cutebutpsycho 0
What?!?! Well, I have a less weird story about this. I was dreaming about eating a delicious cinnamon roll, and I woke up, looked at my finger, and licked it. I was awake when I did this. I felt so stupid. Anyway, YDI for whatever this is.
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
You're lucky you weren't touching yourself in your dream xD Cause if you were, and you licked your finger after. Ewwiez x_O
ohhfudge 0
does this mean you're fat or just starving yourself? and lmao #13 nice try :D