Work: Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company....

By Anonymous - 23/05/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 219

You deserved it 2 729

Work

Triage

Leave us alone

Sing me to sleep

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 7 857

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 193

You deserved it 19 366

By oh, feck off - 27/04/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 041

You deserved it 1 475

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 764

You deserved it 73 847

All weddings are themed

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 20:08

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 212

By Coeurdencre - 06/06/2016 03:33

Today, my best friend, who reckons I'm doing a terrible job at finding a boyfriend, has started giving out my number to all the men she thinks "look trustworthy" in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 486

You deserved it 890

By Jebus - 23/01/2009 13:31 - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 699

You deserved it 2 400

By Anonymous - 13/07/2009 04:02 - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 877

You deserved it 31 776

By ScienceFail - 25/07/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 15 904

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 06:21 - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 580

You deserved it 4 481

By yessssir - 09/03/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 4 924

By slingshot - 07/09/2010 05:53 - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 668

You deserved it 27 562

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 279

You deserved it 64 257

By TetrisMaster - 24/11/2013 12:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 505

You deserved it 6 446

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 577

You deserved it 5 394

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 956

You deserved it 4 451

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 51 897

By Blerp - 22/01/2017 10:00

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 691

You deserved it 572

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 16:11 - United States - Tyrone

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 524

You deserved it 3 267

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 297

You deserved it 3 601

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 203

You deserved it 4 087

By Lichelle - 10/03/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 72 570

By JoseIsAdork - 11/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 260

You deserved it 2 359

By nice education you've got there - 09/04/2013 21:04 - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 273

You deserved it 7 271

By pinkplasticjesus - 20/06/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 273

You deserved it 55 943

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 18:01 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, my grandmother passed away recently, and I moved in with my mother to support her. My two uncles and my cousin (a technician, photographer, and a theologist) who are in a joint venture wanted to discuss business. I felt like a loser, waiting in the other room, while they sat in my Management Consultancy office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 98

Laughs in socialized healthcare

By David Wicker - 09/09/2020 08:02

Today, I sleep on the floor every night because my cat has punctured three air mattresses. I was going to get a real bed with my stimulus check, but I broke my leg and had to pay for the doctor's bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 316

By RandomMe - 26/02/2016 08:00 - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 640

You deserved it 11 876

By sad_unicorn - 31/07/2016 04:51

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 633

You deserved it 1 218

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 486

You deserved it 4 080

By SheenaL - 27/06/2011 06:26 - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 625

You deserved it 13 663

By Da Boss - 05/10/2016 01:19 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 1 893

By unfortunateMother - 18/09/2012 19:51 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 121

You deserved it 4 006

By nicchick411 - 27/03/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 141

You deserved it 8 085

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 413

You deserved it 5 269

By bras r expensive ppl - 27/01/2017 16:00

Today, I realized I was at a top quality ski resort when, while riding the lift, I counted three bras which appeared to have been thrown into the trees from the lift. My little brother counted eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 093

You deserved it 699

By TheLifguard95 - 26/04/2016 23:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 871

You deserved it 1 662

Extreme drying

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 1 281

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 391

You deserved it 16 172

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Top comments

nananabatmannnn 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:07

You cant compete with a bromance. Don't even try.

hey_its_kristi 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:55

Networking works out for some people I guess.

hey_its_kristi 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:55

Networking works out for some people I guess.

IIFoxII 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:11

family comes first.. :)

extrovertical 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:18

Bros before average joes!

SchiTzenGiglez 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 0:03

damn illuminati brotherhood. they took yer job!!

FarSide 22

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 2:32

Fortunately for you, McDonald's has other locations.

The_Weirdo 10

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 4:45

Come on! Help a brotha out!

juicedboi 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 4:58

Can't blame him. Well you can, but if I could set my mate up with a job over some random guy, I wouldn't even hesitate. Called being a good friend. But if I was in your shoes, they probably wouldn't fit, what size are you?

brightnite 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:09

should have gone greek

mintcar 9

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:56

Wow, FYL. Goes to show you, life isn't fair. :(

djcoco5 0

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Thursday 26 May 2011 13:07

it's not what you know, it's who you know.

catrav77 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:59

maybe the other guy's just a better worker and their connection has nothing to do with it...

unhappybitch 8

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:25

Nice sarcasm...... ;)

Calyx_fml 21

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:59

He deserves it more than you. He shouldn't have had to fuck that sheep for nothing.

bengermin 5

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 0:01

A.E.K.D.B.

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 3:03

Adelphoi et kardia du bois brotherhood of the heart

KelStr 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 15:49

Moron, if you only knew what frat life entails. figure it out.

Keyman1212 14

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 20:10

If only you knew what "fraternity" life entails. You wouldn't call your country a cunt would you? Don't do the same to fraternity.

Bizenghastly 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:00

write a book exposing them , sell it and make MILLIONS!!! ^_^ then gloat

zach456 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 5:44

ya unless no one wants to read a book like that, and decides to stop reading after the first page bc most people just don't care, good idea tho

ZoZo17_fml 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:00

what an ass

SincerelyPsych 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 18:29

that's just how it works sometimes I would hope a women in my sorority would do that for me as I would for them some people really need to look at the benefits of joining such societies

a_nutritionist 10

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:19

with english skills like that nepotism is really your only chance...

a_nutritionist 10

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:43

*i am aware of the irony there, given my grammar. there is however a difference between deliberate shorthand and not knowing what the hell youre doing.

pman590 8

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:00

you'd be better off somewhere else where the CEO doesn't shirk his responsibilities!

ciarafox9 9

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:00

hey man,, fraternity brothers are for life bro!

Keyman1212 14

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 20:08

Go fucking eat a bag of dicks. First off, it's a "fraternity" not a "frat" and me nor my brothers say "bro," ever. Fraternity men tend to be the political and economical leaders of this country. Get over it.

hidrox94 5

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:01

Well, life isn't fair all the time...maybe Mr. Frat Boy will turn out to be a sucky worker and you can get back the job that I'm sure you deserve! :)

amandajlucas2015 2

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Friday 6 April 2012 6:28

Actually depending on the college and I'm guessing mr. Frat boy went to a good one since his friend is CEO of a company frat guys have to have high grades to stay in the fraternity.. I'm not sure all schools are like that but mine is so just because he was in a fraternity doesn't mean he is stupid or a bad worker it actually prolly means the exact opposite