Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML
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Top comments
sals029 0
how is this an FML? He wasn't disgusted by it. Didn't leave you. Stayed in bed with you. Just wanted you to refrain from opening your mouth near him until you brush your teeth. Everyone has bad breath in the morning. Get over yourself & stop being dramatic.
Starfire22 5
I wouldn't want morning breath in my face either.
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Comments (79)
nycfwa 0
what an ass, you should have punched him in the dick
Aluen 6
so get out of bed and brush, then make with the fairy tale waking scenes.
omghehehe 0
Funny! I woulda giggled while covering my mouth :D Nobody smells fresh after sleeping for awhile. Actually, I think it's kind of rude to yawn in someone's face pre- a.m. oral hygiene. LOL
Sanrio90 8
lol, your boyfriend is awesome. I woulda said the same thing, morning breath is horrible.
jelmermcgee 8
No more pre-bed salad tossing for you.
TedFreakingBundy 0
The comments on this one are gold.
buggaboo1126 0
lmao i so have been there before girl, dont even worry about it :o)
morgan_5230 0
Seriously? I'd have cracked up if my boyfriend said that.
slyace 9
Morning breath=Not sexy FYL
ColdGold 6
I work with someone whose breath smells like feces. She breathes her breath right into my face. If she is rude enough to breath in my face, I should probably tell her what her breath smells like. ---- You own fault for breathing in his face -- sh t breath.