Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
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Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML
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Top comments
sals029 0
how is this an FML? He wasn't disgusted by it. Didn't leave you. Stayed in bed with you. Just wanted you to refrain from opening your mouth near him until you brush your teeth. Everyone has bad breath in the morning. Get over yourself & stop being dramatic.
Starfire22 5
I wouldn't want morning breath in my face either.
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Comments (79)
farhil 14
this is a shitty fml, get over it, it's morning breath.
GreenRupee 0
Would you like to smell someone elses morning breath near your face? He could have said it better, but he was right.
chicky82 5
I would've pulled a dutch oven on him, then he would never complain about morning breath again :D
TedFreakingBundy 0
you're awesome.
BaBiiSpAnKy821 0
at least u know hes honest (:
myfriend_youfail 3
I've said it before, I'll say it again. Most men are crude, vulgar animals who don't know the meaning of the word "tact". He didn't kick you out of bed, he just remarked on your morning breath. Okay, he remarked on it rather rudely, but that's a man for ya! Get over it. And perhaps keep a pack of Listerine Strips near your bed?
RyeBreadBoy 0
Yes, and all women are dainty little princesses.
myfriend_youfail 3
Now, I did say "most", not "all". And I never said anything about women....but since you asked......we can be equally vulgar. But usually we're raised to choose our words carefully whereas men are raised to be a bit cruder and rougher. If my father curses (and trust me, he can swear violently enough to make his Commanding Officer blush), he gets a sour look from my mother. If I were to curse, she'd gasp and call me out on it. Why? Because he's a male and I'm a female.
fafa123_fml 0
women are hypocrites. they complain about men being sexist then go on and on about how they are better than men i, along with the most guys, think women are equal to men, if a bit more concerned with their looks thats all....
myfriend_youfail 3
1) I said "most", not "all". Most of the men in my life are rather crude and low-class. But I know a select few who are gentlemen. 2) I did say that girls can be equally bad when given the chance, but that we're often looked down on for crudeness (whereas men are either praised or accepted for it). So please do tell, by allowing for both sides of the argument, how exactly did I make an ass of myself? No response? Thought so.
jchansfan 0
By making a bunch of pretentious statements that come accross as hideous generalizations. The people in your life are not the only people in the world. In most circumstances, if a guy goes around cursing in public it will look bad, just as bad as if it were a woman. Just because your father curses around your house and stuff doesn't mean he could go out in the middle of the mall and start dropping F-Bombs without looking like a complete idiot.
myfriend_youfail 3
My point (that you completely missed) was that crudeness is more socially accepted in men than in women. People in today's Western society practically EXPECT men to be rude, whereas they're a bit shocked when a woman is rude. And again, I said "MOST", not "ALL", thus allowing that there are plenty of exceptions, but that the majority of people I have personally observed (thus drawing my conclusions from my observations) behave in such a manner. You seem to be fixated on saying "you're generalizing" when I've admitted that I am while allowing that there could be exceptions to my generalizations, because there is no possible way I could draw an observation-based conclusion from the entire human population since I don't know all six-point-something billion people in the world. Stop beating a dead horse.
iLawl 0
This is more like a MLIA.
TheRetardTracker 0
you should have punched him in the balls
badbunny 0
I'll buy you some mentos. you're welcome.
jif_fml 0
you deserve it; cover your damn mouth. no one likes morning breath.
mari3644 0
not an FML
EvilCupcake8361 9
not an FML, I think it's funny but I guess OP doesn't