Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
korty13 0
why do u think they're called **** roaches
iSmellNice 2
lol cockroaches turned you on
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Comments (137)
aback 5
YDI for having roach-infested testicles.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
roach infested testicles has such a wonderful sound to it. someone should start a band by that name, hahahaha!
11bellacasey 0
Get it **** roaches lol.
rocketdog 0
Wow, hahahahha, you got turned on by **** roaches! Time to do some housecleaning! But that is disgusting.
CyclonePsycho 1
#6 - Never thought of that before. ;O
GrapefruitZoe 0
Actually cockroaches are very clean. Like cats, they groom themselves often. Also, their exoskeleton is so smooth that microbes rarely get stuck to it. The reason you find them in filthy houses is because they like to be "janitors".
starflake 3
I remember watching a documentory about that..
wink568 0
Haha, I was just going to say that. They're really about as dirty as whatever they're standing on. They evolved to be helpful to large mammals by cleaning up after them and eating more harmful bugs (fleas and ticks). It's only recently they got such a bad rap.
Happier_fml 1
I never knew that! Haha as they say, you learn something new everyday!
11bellacasey 0
moderated this
jjenniferr05 0
Good for you. Lmao..
biggee531 7
There are 2 things that should never touch a straight man's sack: Transvestite's and ****-roaches. Half way there, FYL
damian25 0
sweet tattoo :D
JohnzSexyMamas11 7
Nice Tattoo :) .
fml2102008 1
you are a slob for having cockroaches. YDI
artisticlicense 0
i would have thrown off the covers IMMEDIATELY.
sarah2144 14
Am I the only one who notices that your name is Fartypeepee? This makes me think that you are a slob. So YDI for having such a dirty bed that cockroaches got in there.