Miscellaneous: Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented...

By insertfoothere - 18/07/2009 11:26 - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 243

You deserved it 59 770

Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By AR Good - 26/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 186

By FUCK, NO. - 26/05/2019 06:11

Today, my pasty white boyfriend told me he intended to try and grow dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 294

By kmang33 - 02/04/2010 11:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 959

You deserved it 7 037

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 396

You deserved it 424

By xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo - 21/05/2016 12:57 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 1 142

By Grad Student - 13/01/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that I have to take a weekly workshop outside of class time all semester, and it's only offered on the day I have the most work hours. I barely make ends meet as it is, but the professor said to figure it out or fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 789

You deserved it 314

By are you kidding me? - 10/03/2014 08:22 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 456

You deserved it 4 458

Get ready to rumble!

By Leyla - 14/07/2012 07:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 291

You deserved it 34 247

Insane parents

By can’t nerd right - 04/08/2020 02:02

Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 192

By froggylicious - 16/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 924

You deserved it 5 728

By kat - 21/02/2012 09:53 - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 3 045

By what the actual fuck - 11/08/2012 16:38 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 830

You deserved it 4 038

By Spotted - 18/02/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 237

You deserved it 3 956

By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 536

You deserved it 5 205

By oshitdonotwant - 08/08/2009 13:42 - United States

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 409

You deserved it 4 056

By sopheeah - 29/05/2012 07:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 2 899

By haku4u - 01/04/2013 23:18 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 093

You deserved it 2 902

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 48 303

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 18:22 - United Kingdom

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 070

You deserved it 51 468

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 17:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 24 557

By Floof - 15/02/2010 13:35 - United States

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 490

You deserved it 4 863

By reallyupset - 29/11/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 3 527

By kimosabe - 02/03/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 847

You deserved it 6 714

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 3 053

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 204

By Raspution - 16/06/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 349

You deserved it 151

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 278

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 099

You deserved it 2 829

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 076

You deserved it 535

By wantedphantom - 09/07/2016 02:26

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 754

You deserved it 990

By fmal - 07/05/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 198

You deserved it 8 864

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 19:08 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 406

You deserved it 2 304

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 16:11

Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 262

By blahblah493 - 26/05/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 978

You deserved it 6 617

By arrestedgun - 23/05/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 348

You deserved it 58 528

By sickofit - 31/12/2015 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 633

You deserved it 1 423

By GrLifeusx - 08/03/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 873

You deserved it 58 347

By JadeDemolition - 24/08/2015 01:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 630

You deserved it 8 742

By OhGreat - 30/04/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 940

You deserved it 5 194

By Ashley Harn - 23/08/2018 18:30

Today, I found out I'm allergic to something in the city water. I've had itchy patches and rashes all over my body, but I can't afford to pay for the filtration system that would solve it. My landlord forbids any modifications to the shower and washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 135

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Top comments

awesomelylame 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:12

You didn't know. Just apologize once and that's all you can do.

MadeOfAwesome 1

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:23

He probably wasn't offended. I bet he has to explain that all the time anyway

nike1 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:03

Ah, that sucks :/

ElliexMarie 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 21:19

Well , I mean , WHO CARES ? You didn't know . Bigg whoop .

Jojo08_fml 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:16

#54 you're gorgeouss

iBimmer 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:04

YDI for letting him spend the night at your place.

TrAnMu 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:31

Obvious troll is obvious.

_Noon_ 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:32

iBimmer, you are so NOT funny with the whole "YDI for ..........." at EVERY FML. It never was funny, and it never will be funny. Please accept that.

realggirl 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 9:40

Are you calling yourself out, #15?

mark_my_words 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 16:07

So? Its not like you knew. And #2 is an idiot

genius_man16 0

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Saturday 18 July 2009 20:11

Agreed, this needs a "so what" button? I actually thought the whole falling asleep with headphones on was pretty funny, so kudos to you. If it really bothered the kid that much then he is the one who's life is fucked.

bbobe900000 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 4:32

oh my god that's a genius idea!!!! haha hence your name lol but really. I sometimes see stuff on here and I'm like, "okay.... this isn't even a FML" really they should put that.