Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
korty13 0
why do u think they're called **** roaches
iSmellNice 2
lol cockroaches turned you on
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Comments (137)
Moemoemoe_fml 0
He doesn't has cockroaches. The ones in his house are testicleroaches. XD lol
Matty_Boi 0
Thats queensland for you FYL
ahouicommeca 0
There goes the free mattress you found on the street.
campex 0
Haha hoo boy, I knew before reading where he's from that it was going to be NorthEast Australia, Queensland is a friggin' pool of cockroaches and occasional hot girl.... unfortunately the hot girl was probably caressed by cockroaches
Hjelloo 0
Clean your house you filthy ****.
pleasedonttellme 0
They wanted to get near the action. Wait...you enjoyed it?!
acfem9 0
Farty peepee?
master565 0
were that seductive female cocaroaches?
unlucky_angel02 0
Ohohohohohohohohohhhhh.... EW!! Hey, atleast you enjoyed it right?
nikktherocker 0
That's so cool. FYL. That's why they're not called pussyroaches.