Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles....

By fartypeepee - 18/07/2009 10:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 442

You deserved it 10 480

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Same thing different taste

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 822

You deserved it 287

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 2 496

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 2 642

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 138

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 178

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 243

You deserved it 18 017

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 659

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 617

You deserved it 3 243

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 4 849

korty13 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:07

why do u think they're called **** roaches

iSmellNice 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

lol cockroaches turned you on

Comments

gir321 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:04

hahahahahahahahahahaha epic. :p but not really an fml, just capture them and set them free than wash the sack.

eastmanwolf 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:30

...Set them free?!

JizzedPants 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 19:23

you mean capture them, dump them in your lawn, and pull out a flamethrower.

lordbane 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 19:38

thank you for disgusting me :D

dinosaursmoo 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 21:14

HAHAHA COCKroaches. Get it? **** :D

Anguss22 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:48

Look's like no one is gonna give that a 'job' for a good wile, a.k.a life, lol

xsuicidal_memori 0

Monday 12 April 2010 7:55

LOL 57 I GET IT :D ahahahaha xD

AboveTheRest 6

Friday 2 July 2010 4:54

lmfaooo

lovemysnubber 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 8:33

57 hate this phrase but.....epic win!

neonveins 0

Thursday 19 August 2010 16:45

hahaahah this made me lol to myself for awhile

allisonohgod 0

Friday 20 August 2010 19:26

hahhahahhahahahahah

heavenandhell 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

OH SHIT MAN

colton_colton 49

Sunday 2 February 2014 23:14

I'd go crazy!

iSmellNice 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

lol cockroaches turned you on

coffeeisgood33 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 1:25

He should of said "Tickled My Testicles"

icertainlysuck 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 17:28

Goodnight, dont let the bedbugs pleasure your wang! LMFAO

AboveTheRest 6

Friday 2 July 2010 4:56

anti flood:/

plexico 3

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

**** roaches on your testicles? Looks like they were in the right neighborhood!

iBimmer 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:06

YDI for enjoying it, you freak.

girandwogpig 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:16

Get off you troll And just so you know.... Formicophilia:n:Fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals

ScreamToday 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 12:41

Wow, I'm stunned that they actually have a word for that. o.o

korty13 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:07

why do u think they're called **** roaches

tttron 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:12

ahahaha but so disgusting D:

xo3velyn 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 17:28

haha! and you enjoyed it, classic.

dang_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:37

LMFAO! This should have been the conclusion to his FML

Anguss22 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:50

I wonder, *cough* *cough*

jimmyandstuff 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:51

Knucks.

Ohitsariel 25

Thursday 26 May 2011 13:41

Lmao

edthered 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:11

Ouch, time to clean your room maybe?

chris_e81 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:20

time to clean something else don't you think?

KittenOnAcid 1

Sunday 19 July 2009 7:25

ha for sure..get in between the corners!!

conan6 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:22

Talk about ****-roaches.

mr_mister30 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:24

lol on number 6

_Noon_ 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:24

Eww, gross. Especially the enjoying-part x)

Keywords

Dentist Sadness Health Lonely Abuse Work Awkward Parents Miscellaneous Birthday OCD Relatable Mental health Housework Love Cute Cleaning Argument Kids Animals Cats Underwear Intimacy Bikes Camping Friends Vacation Boredom Music Transportation

The Top

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 951

You deserved it 28 265

Today, the girl of my dreams told me she only wants me for sex and not a relationship. Apparently, she thinks that because I left my ex to be with her, that I’ll do the same thing to her. It’s not like I cheated to be with her. I left my ex when I realized I caught feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 1 006

The Top

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 645

You deserved it 48 664

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 508

You deserved it 4 478

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 142

You deserved it 2 924

Today, out of spite, I wrote "Ms. Piggy" instead of my professor's actual name in the heading of my essay. Guess what I forgot to do before turning it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 5 094

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 497

You deserved it 5 946

Today, I was sent to the hospital after being hit by a car while on my bicycle. The police officer said it was my fault for not looking, even though the car pulled up without looking. I now have a small herniated disc in my neck and abrasions on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 216

Same thing different taste

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

Night visitor

Fear factor

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