Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles....

By fartypeepee - 18/07/2009 10:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 451

You deserved it 10 494

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Same thing different taste

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 297

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 986

You deserved it 2 502

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 2 643

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 145

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 184

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 257

You deserved it 18 025

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 4 787

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 786

You deserved it 4 663

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 3 246

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 4 850

korty13 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:07

why do u think they're called **** roaches

iSmellNice 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

lol cockroaches turned you on

Comments

gir321 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:04

hahahahahahahahahahaha epic. :p but not really an fml, just capture them and set them free than wash the sack.

eastmanwolf 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:30

...Set them free?!

JizzedPants 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 19:23

you mean capture them, dump them in your lawn, and pull out a flamethrower.

lordbane 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 19:38

thank you for disgusting me :D

dinosaursmoo 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 21:14

HAHAHA COCKroaches. Get it? **** :D

Anguss22 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:48

Look's like no one is gonna give that a 'job' for a good wile, a.k.a life, lol

xsuicidal_memori 0

Monday 12 April 2010 7:55

LOL 57 I GET IT :D ahahahaha xD

AboveTheRest 6

Friday 2 July 2010 4:54

lmfaooo

lovemysnubber 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 8:33

57 hate this phrase but.....epic win!

neonveins 0

Thursday 19 August 2010 16:45

hahaahah this made me lol to myself for awhile

allisonohgod 0

Friday 20 August 2010 19:26

hahhahahhahahahahah

heavenandhell 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

OH SHIT MAN

colton_colton 49

Sunday 2 February 2014 23:14

I'd go crazy!

iSmellNice 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

lol cockroaches turned you on

coffeeisgood33 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 1:25

He should of said "Tickled My Testicles"

icertainlysuck 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 17:28

Goodnight, dont let the bedbugs pleasure your wang! LMFAO

AboveTheRest 6

Friday 2 July 2010 4:56

anti flood:/

plexico 3

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

**** roaches on your testicles? Looks like they were in the right neighborhood!

iBimmer 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:06

YDI for enjoying it, you freak.

girandwogpig 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:16

Get off you troll And just so you know.... Formicophilia:n:Fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals

ScreamToday 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 12:41

Wow, I'm stunned that they actually have a word for that. o.o

korty13 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:07

why do u think they're called **** roaches

tttron 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:12

ahahaha but so disgusting D:

xo3velyn 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 17:28

haha! and you enjoyed it, classic.

dang_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:37

LMFAO! This should have been the conclusion to his FML

Anguss22 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:50

I wonder, *cough* *cough*

jimmyandstuff 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:51

Knucks.

Ohitsariel 25

Thursday 26 May 2011 13:41

Lmao

edthered 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:11

Ouch, time to clean your room maybe?

chris_e81 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 18:20

time to clean something else don't you think?

KittenOnAcid 1

Sunday 19 July 2009 7:25

ha for sure..get in between the corners!!

conan6 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:22

Talk about ****-roaches.

mr_mister30 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:24

lol on number 6

_Noon_ 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:24

Eww, gross. Especially the enjoying-part x)

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Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 7 104

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 7 714

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 007

Today, I decided that I was going to see a counselor due to the high amounts of stress my life. I planned to book the appointment when I got home. As soon as I got home, I noticed I had been robbed while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 89

Today, my wife revealed to me that the doctor at the fertility clinic where we stored embryos is her ex-boyfriend. She’s now furious that I don’t trust that our freezer babies are mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 327

Today, I got my heart torn into a million pieces by a girl once again. Four times in a row. I went to hit up the girl I stupidly friendzoned many times. She's lost weight, is married, and is pregnant with their first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 398

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 889

You deserved it 9 125

Same thing different taste

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

Night visitor

Fear factor

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