Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
korty13 0
why do u think they're called **** roaches
iSmellNice 2
lol cockroaches turned you on
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Comments (137)
Necrophile_fml 0
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
amaneylandx3 0
you dirty shit; get off the computer and clean your ******* room.
odamn_123 0
ew wtf ? thanks for sharing... and clean ur damn room! cockroaches?? gross
Azura94 0
ROFLMFAO XD @ JizzedPants! That made my day.
zBOB0 0
dude u got a free hand job by cockroacks, most people have to pay a dirty hooker to do that
Shyman4ever 0
FTW
Randomguy16 0
Sick bastard
Icalasari 0
Wait, why did you not check first? I know that, if I felt tingling/tickling there and I/someone else I knew was going to be touching it wasn't touching it, I would be going, "What the hell?" and checking instead of going, "Mmm... I wonder what that is? Oh well"
echarperouge 0
Dude, clean your house!
LinddseyyX33 0
hahahahhaha numbaaa 79(: