Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML
Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML
Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML
Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML
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Top comments
Anon17564 3
I think being drugged and raped is a bit too much for just FML... Go to the ******* police.
Zwische 13
....the ****?
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Comments (287)
Nate_d099 0
leave the state. or country. FYL
iGreen_Day 0
Okay im gonna sound gross but how do men get raped?? don't they have to be... in the mood? :/
pwnage79 0
thats what viagra is for
normandin131 0
Viagra.
greeneye_fml 12
Women can have their bodies react physically (involuntarily) during rape, its the same with guys, especially if drugged. OP, call the police! Women have been prosecuted for this before!
Gesq1 0
You don't need viagra. You don't even need motivation. A quick touch will get the flag raising ceremony started. You're just going to have to do all of the work while he has a great dream.
TheCashMan88 0
Men typically get 6 erections a night while sleeping. Also, almost every man here has popped a boner for no reason at all. it just happened while they were eating or something. So, to answer your question, no, they don't have to be in the mood.
Newtons_Cradle 0
I agree completely. I don't think it sounds at all like he "lead her on." Even if he sent out easy-to-misunderstand signals, nothing warrents that girl's behavior. He deserves basic respect. Honestly, it sounds like the OP needs a restraining order and his ex needs professional help.
JHPugh 19
b
ssnickel 0
If you just has sex the night before there's no way she's pregnant yet. It takes at *least* 2 weeks after sex to conceive. Get back at her and sneak a mega dose of emergency contraception in her food. That is, if this story is real which I'm doubting at the moment.
kittykat1501 31
No it takes until ovulation.
Hiro_Protaganist 0
Plan B pills within 72hours. Or just throw the bitch down a flight of stairs
kittenmeow 0
the perfect background music for this fml: Black Keys ; Psychotic Girl..... :o)
MansonsSlut666 0
Reminds me of my boyfriend. Except when Got me pregnant he was the intoxicated one. I feel your pain
pwnage79 0
well the op didnt get pregnant, HIS PSYCHOTIC GIRFRIEND probobly did
wyld3fyr3 3
i moderated this one
TheHighEndOfLow 0
oh f ur life :(
Lolitia 4
Not funny, that's rape Go to the hospital and I do mean now, they can test for roofies if its with in a certain time span. I'd get an HIV/STD test too if I were you, and therapy. Next couple of months are gonna be hard dude, hang in there.
peanut_dog 0
We need to know more as to how he woke up next to his ex-gf. If he was drunk and wanted a one night stand in his inebriated state, than YDI for not knowing better. If he was drugged/beaten unconscious, then FYL.
kittykat1501 31
Wow, no. He was drugged!